It's weird that now that I'm in the city and actually meeting other trans femmes in person, I honestly don't feel there's automatically some connection. It's not that they're unlikable or mean, but more that I realize I don't have a lot in common with their experiences, even along being trans. So that's creating doubt, especially what with the whole "You're probably best off dating other trans women" advice I get a lot.

And it kind of sucks on top of my bi/straight feelings growing. My ex said some questionable things when word got to her that I don't really consider myself a lesbian. Which is weird, she herself is bi, and her last boyfriend figured out he was gay while dating her.

I get that men are pigs and the male gaze sucks, but I get sparks more for guys than women of any experience.

I mean, to get gross, I feel like I get interested in maybe one type of female body (short and curvy, which is kind of rare with us 😞), and I'm curious about a bunch of different male body types. Way more men than women catch my eyes these days.

And I was never really trans attracted. Trans people sort of made me uncomfortable before I accepted I was trans, like I knew on some level they'd evoke difficult thoughts I buried.