M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town

Thanks to everyone for following a year's worth of my witch-themed microfiction. As this instance sinks into the swamp, please note you can find me over at a.weirder.earth/@signalstation where I'll continue to write the sort of nonsense that used to be found right here.

YARD SALE
Just selling a few things that are starting to clutter the ol' hut. Make an offer

The Mask of Trees - Helps you blend in with trees, make friends with trees, seduce a tree's tree-wife.

The Mask of Illusion - Makes you think you can look like anyone, but that's an illusion. You look like an idiot in a mask that's got no eye holes.

A pile of masks - I forget what these do. Probably cursed.

Even more masks - You know what? I thought I had a problem with clutter but I think it's just these masks, reproducing. Rubbing their fake faces together and breeding.

Come get a mask. Cheap.

2017 "Rising Stars" in the World of Bog Witchcraft

The Cobble Sisters - From the bottom of a well, this trio has drowned so many lost children that schools are closing! Leave some dreamy children who don't make friends easily and like to wander in the swamp for the rest of us, ladies!

The Cold One - Everyone's seeing their breath this year and it's never good news! Hell's never been colder! Brrr!

Ed - Perennial favorite! He's the only one who knows where our hearts are entombed and we'll never rest if he doesn't win, even though you can't keep being a "rising star" by definition, Ed! Please, Ed! Set us free!

we go now to our reporter on the scene, Bixby?

i'm here, Carol, i'm right here in the empty pool where it all happened. night has fallen here and the light from the camera is all i can see anymore and i don't think anyone's coming back here. you can see where they did it. there's no reason for it, Carol, there's no reason for any of it. the sky is black and at any moment i could fall into it, fall into it forever, i'm going to fall as soon as this camera's light goes off and it's back to you in the studio

the soft hum of the teleprompter and the shuffling of paper. stay tuned for updates.

Come to scenic Tiger Fang Valley! Flights arrive daily to the site of three forbidden ancient temples, conveniently located within easy walking distance from each other. You can get a cappuccino in the morning, awaken an albino snake god by noon and suffer three different dread curses by end of day!

Contact our tourism office or simply awake in a pit from a blowdart-induced stupor and see for yourself!

Hard at work.

It's Saturday and you know what that means! Time to write out our wishes in melted wax on the surface of our most prized position, then drop it into the darkness that houses The Mouth of Voids! It will devour our desire so that finally, finally, we can stop hoping for anything to happen and live like lizards, unthinking, in the warm sun!

It's Thursday and you know what that means! Time to gather at the water's edge and watch the shelled things that live in the Deep come ashore with their claws, and drive them back with sticks and rocks, lest we be plucked up and carried off to live our lives as pearls under the sea!

What should you give a robot for its birthday?

The only gift a robot needs is the power source that gave it life on its date of creation. The anniversary of that date is of little consequence, and no bribe you can offer will slake a robot's quest to purge the planet of biological impurities, replacing all humans with shining chrome perfection.

How is a robot like a mountain range?

Both will survive the death of everything you've ever loved, you flawed biological mistake.

What do you get if you cross a robot with a rabbit?

The perfect technological killing machine, fueled by carrots, unstoppable and beautiful in its efficiency.

Ha ha who can forget that classic moment! When it comes to games, Lambisters place their bets! #spoilers #ripjimmylambister #gonetoosoon #gamesofthrones

So many good writing but I have to share the best quote from golden age of TV (aka RIGHT NOW)! Get 'em Jerry! #spoilers #gamesofthrones

Love to watch TV and root for the guys to win.

lost time incident 66 - NOW AVAILABLE!

Every now and then, I collect some of my short fiction and send it out via email. In this installment, we've got video game titles! A personal history of terrible role-playing game characters! A fiction fragment about grief and skipping ads!

It's all available on a static webpage. Engage in a retro-web experience where content is hosted on an individual's website! Revisit the days before social media's walled gardens!

http://www.signalstation.com/lost-time-incident-66-epitaph-for-a-dying-world/

SALE: Magic Wand (1-sided)

Warlocks and hedge-wizards, pot-stirring sorcerers of soups and stews, herb-ladies and curse staplers!

We have, steeply discounted, the world's first safety magic wand. Ever noticed how with most wands, while one end is pointing at your target, there's another end always pointing at you? Risky!

No more, folks! With our new single-direction wands, every spell goes in the right direction ! These wands remove all mystical ambiguity!

Order now and you'll also receive a FREE scrying orb stand made of colored pressboard... like astronauts use!

[ADD TO CART]
[ VIEW CART ]

I don't know why so many people only seem to sob uncontrollably. I only sob under carefully controlled conditions.

I allow myself three distinct sobs per minute. There are cameras and observers with clipboards behind thick glass taking notes. There is a control group: Gary. He is in another room, not crying. He provides the baseline for comparison.

You can set your watch to my sobs. I am in complete control.

Gary said there was a line at the dry cleaners, so we didn't get our eclipse robes in time and now the human sacrifice says he's got a thing to go do and the sun's back, so WAY TO GO, Gary, the eclipse is ruined.

Guess the UNBLINKING EYE FROM THE FROSTS BELOW THE STARS is just gonna have to sleep even longer before rending this world, GARY.

Oh, right, that reminds me. I've been meaning to tell you: I've been your DM this whole time. For your whole life. You're now level 3. As of today, you have more hit points.

Kinda weird, though, that to date you still haven't made a single successful saving throw.