M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town

Thanks to everyone for following a year's worth of my witch-themed microfiction. As this instance sinks into the swamp, please note you can find me over at a.weirder.earth/@signalstation where I'll continue to write the sort of nonsense that used to be found right here.

YARD SALE
Just selling a few things that are starting to clutter the ol' hut. Make an offer

The Mask of Trees - Helps you blend in with trees, make friends with trees, seduce a tree's tree-wife.

The Mask of Illusion - Makes you think you can look like anyone, but that's an illusion. You look like an idiot in a mask that's got no eye holes.

A pile of masks - I forget what these do. Probably cursed.

Even more masks - You know what? I thought I had a problem with clutter but I think it's just these masks, reproducing. Rubbing their fake faces together and breeding.

Come get a mask. Cheap.

Under Bed Census: Complete
Current residents:
1 Joblin (green guy, hangs out on LinkedIn all day sending requests to connect to strangers
3 Hobjoblins (all unpaid interns of Joblin)
1 Poltergoose (spirit of an unquiet fowl w/ unfinished business)
A handful of coins and buttons
1 Barberdook (provides haircuts to those who read its storybook)
2 Grasping Hands
and a lot of dust.

That's it! Now we can use that info to apportion spending, determine voting districts, etc. for all bed-related politics.

Now available at the market: Starting Witch Kit
includes:
* Paper familiar. Keep it intact for a month and you can trade it for a familiar-summoning jinx at no additional cost!
* Starting spells: Pleasant Scent, Reheat Tea, Morragan's Dust Explosion (cleaning), Whisper, Ghost Tickle
* 3 random herbs. What do they do? What can you make?
Available for the low low price of saying in public "I am a witch, thank you for the starter kit."

How many Star Trek characters are there, because I need to know how worn out my clicky finger's gonna be muting every one of those accounts that shows up.

When most of the reanimated dead has been destroyed (garlic in mouth, dismembered, buried at the crossroads, rice and salt scattered), don't feel any shame if you still wish to keep one of the hands for yourself, for cold lonely nights, to let it lay on your lap and give you a friendly squeeze every once in a while, whenever the hand's master dreams its dark dreams.

BEST HEALING SPELL 2017
"Forget" - This medium-effort spell has made big inroads this year as people found more and more things they didn't want to remember... and who can blame them? An incantation and drinking an anise-flavored vial of fluid, and it's done. Simple and true.

BEST OFFENSIVE SPELL 2017
"Forget" - The votes are in and nothing can't beat newcomer spell "Forget"! Easily reversible, this spell guarantees the target must face the very regret they thought they were free from. If the weight of this reversal is severe enough, it can be crippling.

BEST SELF-EXPERIMENTATION SPELL 2017
I don't remember. I honestly don't.

M Van Vleet, the collector witch.
species: amalgamated being
broomstick: bicycle
familiar(s): bobcat
magic: WILDCARD
[https://en.shindanmaker.com/620471]

... checks out.

It's Friday and you know what that means! Time to hide all of your sweets because the Kindly Kin are back and they take what they want! Lay out vegetables on every kitchen and dining surface to keep your home free of their mischief. Blindfold the livestock until Monday. Turn the labels on all unguents and ointments toward the wall. Lay a semicircle of chalk in front of the hearth and watch the powder for tracks each morning.

It's the weekend! So much preparation to do to make sure we see next week!

ADVICE FOR WHEN YOU'VE HAD A TERRIFYING VISION OF THE FUTURE
1) Take a deep breath. Remember that the future event hasn't happened yet and when it does, it won't be that terrifying because it will have context
2) Double-check your augery for accuracy: Any chance your crow feather is actually a raven feather? Spots on the ol' crystal ball actually from lunch?
3) Project your mind forward a millennia and realize everything will change and vanish. Makes you think.
4) Tea. Tea is nice.
5) Sleep.

The rest of us can't. Those memories are gone. We stare with blank eyes. 90s kids shake our shoulders and we can't help them. Our pasts are shrouded in fog and their pleas to remember with them are like distant ice cracking on a frozen ocean. Their memories are their own burden to carry. We have left it all behind and we are free.

The Voice at the Bottom of the Well beneath the crossed pines will grant wishes, but in return will strip time from your bones, leaving you craggy and brittle. If your wish is to feel old, it's win-win.

Tips For If You Wake Up Underground, Possibly In A Grave:
1) If your face has room, try to spit. If the spit falls away from your face, you're face down. You need to flip before climbing out of the damp earth
2) Think back: Did you say anything that could have been construed by the Thrice Charmed Lady of the Swamp as an insult?
3) When you surface, look for a tombstone. Is there one? With your name? If so, everything makes sense. If not, then...
4) Spit up mud, prepare vengeance as needed.

Good Poisons To Build Up An Immunity To:
) Rabbits Bane
) Snake Tooth Tea
) Maiden Toes
) Blue's Embrace
) Fuzzy Wimple
) The Eightfold Mushroom

Poisons to Be Avoided (No Immunity Possible)
) Spider Bump Balm
) Ribbitini's Wave
) Rock Toad Kiss
) Person Bane
) A Lover's Mocking Laugh
) The band Poison