M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town

Thanks to everyone for following a year's worth of my witch-themed microfiction. As this instance sinks into the swamp, please note you can find me over at a.weirder.earth/@signalstation where I'll continue to write the sort of nonsense that used to be found right here.

YARD SALE
Just selling a few things that are starting to clutter the ol' hut. Make an offer

The Mask of Trees - Helps you blend in with trees, make friends with trees, seduce a tree's tree-wife.

The Mask of Illusion - Makes you think you can look like anyone, but that's an illusion. You look like an idiot in a mask that's got no eye holes.

A pile of masks - I forget what these do. Probably cursed.

Even more masks - You know what? I thought I had a problem with clutter but I think it's just these masks, reproducing. Rubbing their fake faces together and breeding.

Come get a mask. Cheap.

I write short, nonsensical fiction and sometimes it gets mailed out as a newsletter, but who reads email anymore?

You can read the latest installment on a proper website here: http://www.signalstation.com/lost-time-incident-64-wife-of-a-clown/

Or go do anything else. Up to you. The sun's going to explode some day, so...

Just a heads up: If/when I get cancer, you better believe I'm gonna have a GoFundMe. But none of it will go for medical care. Only stupid stuff.

I'll pay someone $100 of your money for a nice stick. A stick I don't even need. (It'll be nice, though.)

I'll eat a $50 bill. I don't care.

5 Reasons to Have a Teeny, Tiny Wedding

1) The only official who is free to preside over your ceremony is a talking cricket.
2) All wedding venues are booked except for one, located inside a young girl's liver, accessible via shrunken submarine in sterile lab conditions.
3) You fell in love with an electron.
4) The global economy is arranged in such a way that your entire generation has difficulty finding steady employment at a wage where an extravagant wedding is even an option.
5) Tiny things are cute! Little wedding cake! Small cocktails at the reception! Reduced expectations to minimize disappointment! Adorable!

4 Secrets of Women Who Switched to Natural Beauty Routines

1) Dreams are sweeter when you sleep under the soft, cool mud. Let the webbing between your fingers guide you down.
2) To impress aquatic romantic partners, thread seaweed through your scalp. Beautiful, and small fish can hide from predators in your hair-reef! New friends!
3) Want the perfect butt? Try river stones! We couldn't say how they'd help, but stones are 100% natural and reader polls say butt shape is important so... put it together. We can't do everything for you.
4) We hid a body once. That's just a regular secret. Nothing to do with beauty.

"The Dungeon Master is dead. The DM remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? What dice must we roll to save ourselves? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become masters of dungeons simply to appear worthy of it?" - Nietzsche, 12th level rogue

A thread featuring @gravezwave, collected for ease of reading as a service to the community, which counts as community service, for the arson and all that, plus we was framed.

Guess who unilaterally decided it was time for a writing break.

Every spell takes its toll. Many magicks require teeth as a component. Hence, all the toothless magical crones.

Teens journey to The Heart of Magic on a quest to save the world only to find it's a mountain of teeth, all piled up, clouds brushing the top.

Brushing the teeth.

It's Friday and you know what that means! Time to follow people! #ff

Here's our suggestions this week:

Mad Milferd: People say he murdered his shadow and that's why he stays inside in the dark. Follow him. See where he goes in those dark, dark rooms.

Anglia Perrhook: She got more eyes than most people, so she prolly looks at stuff good. Follow her. Look at what she looks at with your sad couple eyes.

The distant wail of unknown sorrow: Where's that distant wail coming from? What has been lost? Follow that. Go get lost yourself.

IT'S FRIDAY!

So... what icons am I missing out on here? Are they cool?

Detective (slapping the cuffs on a cold, unfeeling universe that cares nothing for our desires or fears): You're coming with me.

Cold Unfeeling Universe That Cares Nothing For Our Desires or Fears: Whatever.

@signalstation
Thanks to @gravezwave for contributing inspiration for the "teenagers, you know" piece

lost time incident 63 - now available! Short fiction by yours truly! This week: teens, cryptids & a detective, plus music based on failing infrastructure!

http://www.signalstation.com/lost-time-incident-63-burned-out-signs/

@gravezwave
Ended up deleting the original post due to overwhelming shame regarding the typo-ed word it contained and the lack of an ability to edit. The delightful exchange we had wasn't enough to preserve the original context.