M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town
so long, witches.town
please forward all scrolls, message crows, and visions to: a.weirder.earth/@signalstation
What #millennials want most when they pledge fealty to you.
For all the self-entitlement stereotypes and crusade-hopping reputations, it turns out millennials are pretty commonsense when it comes to what they want in a feudal lord... (subscribe to our codex for full article)
article: coddled millennials opt out of quarrying their own stone, instead building "sustainable" churches out of roman ruins
Trend alert: Chinese #millenials going crazy for moveable type
@signalstation whoever writes these is so out of touch. im working two crusades at once so its not like ive got time to go get leeches for every sniffle
If I lived in California, My earthquake kit would be just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Plague Doctor Special Report: “Millennials Show Decreased Interest in Dying of Plague, Protecting Faces with Lavender-Filled Leather Sacks”
Think Piece: Why Aren't Millennials Capturing More Outsiders to Work In Our Fields, Serving the Harvest Gods' Unslaked Thirst For Toil?
Sure, kid. My hut's made of gingerbread, you bet. Bite any wall you want.
This spoon? It's a donut. I stir hot, steaming concoctions with a donut.
You delightful sprog. You genius. You mouth on legs, you've figured it out. The furniture is chocolate and these eyes of mine that burn with resentment that any candy-smeared child can find me in the woods... why, these eyes are gumdrops.
SO YOU'VE SUMMONED AN UNQUIET SPIRIT... NOW WHAT?
Look, it happens, so start by giving yourself permission to have made a mistake. Who among us hasn't, on a dim night among broken branches and oily mist, accidentally made a pact with a creature from beyond the veil that, on reflection, doesn't really suit our needs or match our preferred profile for companionship?
STEP 1 - Discover its name (if unknown). Keep guessing 'til you get it. TIP: Some computers can guess FOR you, with thousands of guesses per second!
2) - Write the name down & burn it.
That's it! Anyone who tries to tell you it's hard is probably also a ghost & they can eff off.
Congratulations, hacker. You have decrypted this message. It was originally just sparks in my meat brain and some wiggles of my fingers, but thanks to "literacy" and "a keyboard plus the whole internet" you have cracked the code.
Too bad telepathy, even mediated by technology, is illegal, here in this dystopic future, and you're the YA protagonist of this story. What a twist! At first, this just seemed like a dumb post, but now... adventure?
Good luck, hacker. You're either going to brain-reading-jail... or the history books as Our Hero and Liberator.
"my voice is my passport, hypernormalize me" i say as i dive into the McDonaldsphere, while back in the real world my body is strapped to a crash cart, back covered in McDermastims, shamrock shake iv in each arm, the technicolor world of winterclown transmitted directly to my brain through a length of fiberoptic cable jacked into the side of my head. in the real world im just your average meatbag fry jocky but here, in here im lovin' it
Support my Plantreon at the $1/month level and I will talk one plant into being your friend. Never watch movies alone again, or be the only person at your party!
At $5/month, you can high five any plant in the village.
Support my Plantreon at the $10/month level and we are ENEMIES! You think I don't know what message you're trying to send? How DARE you!
At the $15/month level, a plant will make you some extra air. (This is the perfect support level for anyone with Big Lungs!)
At the $20/month level, I will give you $20 every month.
Thanks for the support!
SO YOU'VE GOT GLOWING EYES STARING AT YOU IN THE DARK: A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO GLOW-Y EYE RECOGNITION (excerpt)
... primary importance, but here we're assuming that the distance between you and the eyes, regardless of number, seems to be fixed. This gives you time to perform a complete evaluation, with none of the time pressures encountered when the encountered eyes are rapidly approaching, or even worse: blinking.
At this point, it's too late to wonder about the extent to which one's own self is edible. Set that concern aside and instead...
have you ever wanted to play a game where instead of punching someone into unconsciousness you insult them until you break their spirit Afficher plus
What people worry about: Aliens are going to come and be horrified by how poorly we treat other people and the environment.
What will happen: Aliens will come and use space drills to take our oil and diamonds.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't comprehend what a road is, the crossing was a coincidence. The personification of animals is designed to make humans feel less alone in the world. But the feeling never dies. We are always alone.
<on a curséd ship, stuck between Earths in the roiling and infinite Ur-sea>
ME: So how did you end up here?
FALLEN ANGEL: I was tricked into disobeying the will of God, and when I realized what I had done, my wings grew heavy. ... Would you like some licorice?
ME: I love licorice.
FALLEN ANGEL: Everyone here loves licorice...
In the interest of widening my & your networks, who do you follow on here that you didn't know on twitter + that you think more people should follow? (my suggestion is @Xibanya, and
a bonus: @lia from whom I stole this post.)
Also: follow your dreams! I saw them go down a sewer grate. They were carrying a bag and a little child's feet were sticking out the bag but I couldn't follow. I was afraid. But they're your dreams, so really, you should be the responsible party.
welcome witches, you just joined the best instance https://witches.town/media/jyIJ6z0RyC_jX_pbqP8
If you like what I do, please like, comment and subscribe, give money to my sponsors and support my Plantreon.
It's easy to do.
Go out into your garden and dig a hole. Into that hole, say "I support you, Plantreon!"
In 6-8 weeks a plant wearing my clothes will knock on your door and move in. Feed it oatmeal. Be nice to it. In this way, I will be satisfied and able to continue my very important work.