M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town
so long, witches.town
please forward all scrolls, message crows, and visions to: a.weirder.earth/@signalstation
GENIE: And you're sure that's what you want?
ME: Absolutely. Replace every vampire's fangs with a big ol' straw-shaped mouth, like a mosquito. That'll show 'em. Try and seduce our womenfolk now, Count Straw-Face!
see also: vampire cow
see also: Space Turnip
Howard the Duck delivers plenty of that "it's just comics, we can do anything" anarchic energy.
If you saw the movie by Lucas... oof. Sorry.
But I'm totally down for tales of man-frogs and other high weirdness.
Obnoxious Karate Guy on YouTube: MMA has nothing to do with Martial Arts. MMA *extremely sarcastic tone* fighters are not martial arts fighters.
But it's... It's literally in the name. MMA doesn't stand for Macho Mummy Articles.
HOW I MADE MY FORTUNE:
You ever seen a bunch of dudes wearing fingerless gloves, all huddled around a trash can what's on fire?
That was me. I invented the trashcan with a fire in it. Cornered the market with drifters, rounders, and ne'er-do-wells. Sure, most of 'em paid in hobo nickels and purloined apple pies, but some of 'em... they paid in wisdom.
Which I reinvested. Now I sleep on a bed made of wisdom. And you could too, for a small monthly fee, to join my newsletter, written in chalk under highways or inside railcars! Convenient!
What if friendship were the treasure all along? Wouldn't that be awful? My friends are bastards. All that time and effort, and now it's just me, Crooked Tooth Jerry, Stinkfoot and Mary the Mutt, staring at each other. Treasure.
oooh... In JAWS, they said "We're gonna need a bigger boat" because the shark was bigger than they thought, not because capitalism implants in all of us a false sense of need and a deep sense of inadequacy that can only be temporarily sated through extravagant purchases, like larger and larger seacraft!
I just now got that! Wow!
When things get rough, just tell yourself: I'm probably just a character from the prequel.
Doesn't matter to what.
Just find comfort that maybe there's better stuff coming later. It's not your fault you're in an attempt to reboot the franchise.
FIVE EASY STEPS TO HOME SECURITY
1) Use a deadbolt.
2) Whenever you leave home, leave your shadow behind, pinned to your front door, muttering to itself like you're still home, and as the sun stretches it over the day its extended fingers can scratch the window sills and confirm they're inviolate.
3) 3-5 hours before you head out, stop feeding the Hungry Thing that lives in the eaves. Tell the Hungry Thing that you're never coming back, that it's on its own.
3) Make sure all windows are clasped.
5) Cast a spell so that filthy thieves can't see the number 3 and instead see a 3 in its place.
A-ha. I've found you out. You read this post & I see you, thief.
Asimov's Laws:
1. A robot may never harm a human being, except passive-aggressively
2. A robot is not a human being unless it is capable of suffering, in which case it must demonstrate its capacity for suffering on television
3. A robot must purchase a meal from any participating Yum! Brands restaurant at least once a week; or if no Yum! Brands restaurants are nearby, it must build one from any available resources
https://mastodon.xyz/media/OWXDCt0cvYO0oh5LCdk https://mastodon.xyz/media/RGir5pPRAkAaan_Tu3Q https://mastodon.xyz/media/Fb-C4uBkHiCG1oSXbBg
when he likes that last post the conversation transcends condescension and becomes an incredible self own
Part of a personal art project from 2011: OBSOLETE
The concept: Write tantalizing titles on media that weren't easily accessible, then glue the disks somewhere public, making them doubly impossible to access.
Part of a personal art project from 2011: OBSOLETE
Savvy house-shoppers putting their ears to the wall and checking the building's heartbeat for irregularities
Wanna see a magic trick? Okay, all you have to do is pick a card. Don't show it to me. Got it? Now put it back. And... Afficher plus
I got neighbors who know what's up.
Everybody should read Moby Dick.
Even people reading user feedback survey responses where text fields don't have character limits.
A bandit in a black bandana squints intimidatingly at a lawman with a tin star, who looks suspiciously at a cowboy in a dusty poncho, who is glaring angrily at a dandy toting a pair of pistols, who is glancing foppishly at a farmhand with a shotgun, who is staring awkwardly at a big, boxy robot, who is backing away and booping in apology for disrupting this high noon standoff
THE ELDER: A holy trust is given unto you. For the good of all, you must keep this melody in chains.
RIGHTEOUS BROS: How hard could it be?