M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town

@sydneyfalk
You've loved the dapper undead from afar... now write to your faves with our app: FANguage

@sydneyfalk
Tch. Language.

Witches try to be kind and supportive but we know you got your cauldron at the dollar store. Stirring up bat wings and it's still got the sticker on it. C'mon. We could'a found you a real cauldron. That thing's gonna break in a week.

Let's all take time today to thank our sleep buddies, those creatures our exact size who slip into our mattresses and lay precisely under us, holding us up while we sleep, conforming to our shape completely and whispering secrets in our dreaming ears.

The monster that ate your hand was probably super cute when it was little.

Little sharp teeth when it yawned. Tiny mouth that could in no way encompass your hand.

Cute cute cute.

So terrible to be dragged underneath the lilypads by mermaids when you were only trying to drink.

Even worse when they throw you back on shore and make cutting comments about you.

"Why would we eat someone with a haircut like that?"

"Go try some other pond to drink, with your earthworm lips. Go on and WALK there, Legs."

"Spend another year eating pastries then come on back, skinny."

C'mon. I can drown as well as anyone.

@wion @welshpixie

Thanks for the recommendation!

@typhlosion
The official story is his full name is George George George George, but he's sensitive about it, because his mom was obviously having a fit when she named him.

So he tells folks it's "Geoffrey Garfield" but that's not what his birth certificate says.

http://horriblevacuum.com/wordmovies/microwave-coven/

For 99 cents, you get 30+ pages of word-movie about a sorority of witches, pranks, sisterhood, and a haunted microwave. Horror! Jokes!

Hot off the press, but still frozen in the middle! Written under the dumbest pseudonym I could imagine!

https://witches.town/media/m3v35wlOk0Z9lE8gt9w

@Xibanya
Instant purchase. Queued up the tutorial. When asked to come up with an insult on the spot, I typed out SNARF.

After all these years, I guess there's still some enmity.

https://witches.town/media/C8_gzVd1wb-nRvpBZsY

VARIETIES OF GHOSTS
Blue Humbugs - Noted for their pallor, their lack of interest in answering questions, and are moving away from you as the universe expands

Howling Jerries - Technically the loudest of spirits, but you still need to get your ear or spirit horn right up to their mouths to hear them, and you'll only find out they have OPINIONS. Avoid.

Big Doof - Under my bed and won't come out, the big doof.

Fingy Glows - They touch y ou in the da rk wif dey FINGIES and you g et so scared you can't t ype

It's Saturday and we all know what that means! You can put away your combs and ointments, because our Mirror Siblings have the day off! Every reflective surface in the village today is uninhabited because our reversed selves are visiting their Hush Cocoons and resting up for the coming week, when they'll once again have to match our every movement.

Such dedication! Nature's wonder, those cocoons, which muffle the shrieking of creatures who'll never choose their own path!

@brokenfingers
We've got the unquiet spirits of everyone who died due to Winchester rifles and who, post-life, took a real interest in architecture.

Wow! The back cover text for my-- err, I mean /George's/-- new book has dropped! Book should be out tomorrow at horriblevacuum.com!

https://witches.town/media/wGWdWv2QNJi-Veo4t3I

@typhlosion
✊🏻

@verity
... Yeah, I guess. If your hearth spirit hasn't been picking it up already.

Please stop tossing pennies into the well. The spirit of the well doesn't need pennies to grant your wishes. The spirit needs a ladder. It wants to crawl out of the well, dripping with goodwill, grinning with wet teeth, ready to assist young lovers and lonely widows with its wish-granting, moist fingertips.

No more pennies. Can't eat any more pennies. Only ladder. A ladder in the dark.

@dragonluvr89
You can read some of my comedy books now, if you like, though they may fall short on the character quota.
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8521764.Michael_Van_Vleet