M of Witches Town @signalstation@witches.town
so long, witches.town
please forward all scrolls, message crows, and visions to: a.weirder.earth/@signalstation
Oh yeah, sometimes I send out a newsletter with short fiction and stuff. I'm terrible at self-promotion.
https://tinyletter.com/signalstation
@Noelle808 I hope it's in the Ray Parker Jr sense.
@Azure If there's one takeaway idea, it's this: We should be very concerned about things that don't exist, may not exist, or do not yet exist. Only things that exist can be trusted.
4 Genius Tricks For The Smoothest Legs Ever
1) While you are still an idea, unformed, before you're drawn to this material plane, influence one of your parents to be an octopus
2) Distribute 2-for-1 discount coupons to every hair on your legs. Thanks to financial incentives, your hair will keep doubling until you have a smooth pelt like an otter.
3) Replace your legs with mathematics. Run your hands along smooth sine curves and explain to the curious that your lower limbs are now leg-orithms.
4) Let two seals attempt to eat your legs, but ask them to stop at the hips.
@er1n Yes. Yes! It sounds like FICTION! You are right. There's no reason to be alarmed. He knows when you are sleeping or awake... speaking truth or jest.
We're just having a goof!
@kel How did the lovely and captivating light turn out to be an anglerfish's lure?
@vi oh no... then perhaps he knows! Ha ha! It's a good thing this is a funny joke for a website full of strangers! Ha ha! Ha haaaaaaa...
@signalstation Santa, the Capitalism Warlock?
Nobody talks about how Santa, a powerful thoughtform, manages to take over the minds of millions of parents to make them do his bidding annually. They sign To/From cards on his behalf. They purchase toys with their own money! Gladly!
Your garden variety psychic sensitive or card-guessing ESPer is no match for this monster from beyond the snows.
So we just let it happen, year after year. We celebrate this psychic parasitism. Only in these summer months, when he's weakest, can we even post about it, disguising it as jest.
It's Friday and we all know what that means! It's time to spend time with our Mirror Twins and get them to admit that the world we can see behind them on the other side of the mirror is a better world than this one! All week, our Mirror Twins do little more than confirm that we've combed our hair correctly, but now it's Friday and it's time for TRUTH!
LET US IN THAT MIRROR! QUIT PRESSING YOUR BODY TO OURS, PREVENTING US FROM PASSING THROUGH!
IT'S FRIDAY, LET US IN!
office work/academia gothic:
-your supervisor is always on the phone. you don't know who she's talking to. whenever you answer the phone there is only a recording on the other end, never a person.
-you print pictures and cut out shapes for children's programs. you never see the children, but the things you make disappear. you hope this means your offerings are being accepted.
-the interns always seem startled when you clear your throat. they always look at you with wide eyes. or maybe they're looking over your shoulder.
-everyone seems to have a scheduled lunch break but you. you eat at your desk. why are they trying to keep you here.
@ajr It sounds to me like perhaps they were inspired by a 2009 blog entry from WFMU about how amazing this song sounds played at the wrong speed: http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2009/04/funnel-of-love-mp3s.html
Top Three Draculas in the Tri-City Area:
1) Jerry the Dracula - Runs that nightclub where they got the red strobe lights and the blood showers go on at 3 a.m. out there on Route 4. Real nice.
2) Maybelle Dracula - Just a sweet lady, full up with stories. You'll find her luring in folks with sweet tea on her white porch, friendly as you please, but them folks don't come back.
3) Chuck the Double-Dracula - College boy, says the word for 'em all ain't "Dracula" but "vampyr" so we call 'im DOUBLE-Dracula. Heh. College boy. Nice, otherwise. Helps folks with their taxes and whatnot.
To all runner-up Draculas: better luck next year!
@ajr For "great" read "delightfully enthusiastic" which is charming.
@ajr I got two great punk bands on my bandcamp wishlist and heard some great stories from you today, so it's just payment due, really. Thanks!
Teenagers from Outerspace is a bad movie.
Like, really bad.
But look at this surly teen skeletonizing a dude with a flashlight.
How cool is that?
@pixelpaperyarn He's the only person I've ever fought, and we are good friends otherwise.
Also, there is a line in "Forever Bummed" that sums up the whole EP.
"These songs all suck/These songs all suck."
Then again, "I think I'm out of key again" is probably the only line on the EP sung in key, and that's also on that track.
Man, I miss those idiots.
Jon, the singer, is obviously pretty garbage at singing. He also wrote all the lyrics about 10 minutes before they recorded the EP. He'd been improvising them for two years, and no one noticed because the sound in the venue was so shitty.
For reasons I'll never understand, I tried to physically fight him every time I saw him.
Once, I broke one of his fingers (and he played the show anyway.)
This is odd, because I'm a nice person, as is Jon.
Ryan, my business partner, jumps in the middle of things immediately and is like "Dude, chill. Why do you have a sword."
And the old dude responds "I was voted most chill in high school. I'm giving this sword to Alec as a sign of respect."
So, from then on, Alec had a sword with him when he played on stage.
Just in a scabbard on his back while he played guitar.