sev @sev@witches.town

I've moved to @sev at a.weirder.earth. Go find me there.

You are real. You are valid. You are valuable. The world is better because you are in it.

I believe in you. I'm proud of you.

Yes, you.

Gluten-free waffles on a stick https://witches.town/media/PBODM9F3ujwhcTrRJkM

Oh, c'mn, body, "wake up hungry at 4am" is totally inconvenient.

So, by now, jerkbrain has fucked most of the way off and I'm not having uncontrollable feelings of impending doom. What the *fuck* is up with that, anyway? I'm sure much of my current exhaustion is jetlag but a lot of it is also two weeks of not sleeping well because I felt so much dread and that is way fucked up and I don't like it. Grumph.

Dinner started with a chocolate brownie larabar, followed by very stale plain g-f bread made edible via frying pan, plus an over easy egg. Not super tasty but after an afternoon of shopping and an evening on a boat I was ravenous.

This whole "don't have to put in a new roll of film every 36 exposures" thing has turned me into a goddamn menace. (I like my new camera it's fun.)

So much travel writing is about food, I've noticed.

Breakfast: stale gluten-free pain du chocolat, which was edible but hours later my jaw is *still* tired, plus a packet of soy jerky ("sevoo kibble").

Lunch: tuna maki, salmon nigiri. No gf soy sauce, so 2/2 for restaurant meals of mostly unseasoned fish. Pleasant surprise, though, was that my father-in-law researched beforehand to find a restaurant that would likely be able to feed me.

Wondering what is wrong with me that we're out having this grand adventure and really I'd rather be at home.

The waitstaff at the restaurant were *super* nice about my restrictions & they made me a very pretty entree, which made it easier to eat what turned out to be a *remarkably* bland tower of tuna, rice crisp, and sprouts. Also my partner thinks I'm a rock star, which helps a lot, too.

(I'm sure this is at least 75% mislaid travel anxiety. Gimme a week, with "that trip didn't entirely suck even if I still wish I'd had more support" under my belt & I'll be calmer, I expect.)

It's not just this year that I've been reaching limits, one after another. Physical pain, emotional trauma, thing after thing where I hadn't set a boundary until one day I realized I must.

I'm fucking exhausted and I'm tired of the only answer to that being "set more boundaries, do more work, demand more respect." Doctors, teachers, lovers, family... All different circumstances but right now it all feels like the same stupid work.

I feel like maybe that cw also needed "this has nothing to do with the discourse, either"

2017, the year where "maybe it'll turn out fine" stops working, repeatedly.

"Antic animals drink away their troubles with friends and foes at a mountain tavern in the Cascades, where every bunny knows your name." is annex theatre going after Seattle's furry crowd?
http://www.annextheatre.org/annex-2017-season/off-night/deers/ I am intrigued.

(I am totally going to go see this. Probably the November 7 showing.)

invisible is a funny flavor of lonely

definitely the bleakest 10q I've filed since I started them.

Assimilation & appeasement are useful (& maybe necessary) strategies, but they can't be the only ones.

On the other end of the spectrum, militant resistance is also a necessary strategy, but again cannot be the only one.

The problems we face are thorny, manyfaceted. The solutions must be, too. Let's stop insisting our associates are Doing It Wrong and shaming people for working on different aspects of the same struggle, please. I'm tired of watching friends fight.

wait you're too close lemme just...
https://witches.town/media/zfmLdOt4cS03EgBTvjE

why yes I will be grudgingly getting progressives again when I order my next pair of eyeglasses.

Dammit.

g'bye peripheral vision it was nice to have you back for a year

*pout*

Yesterday I was forlorn, today desolate. I don't think this goes away as the season wears on; I just stop noticing it.

This will be my second winter since I stopped my antidepressants.

Tomorrow the light box and I are going to have a Long Conversation.

the light is dying
again
like it does every year.

but deep down, I never entirely trust that it will ever come back. Despite its yearly habit.

Every sunrise a revelation, and springtime a rescue.