sev @sev@witches.town

I've moved to @sev at a.weirder.earth. Go find me there.

You are real. You are valid. You are valuable. The world is better because you are in it.

I believe in you. I'm proud of you.

Yes, you.

I am so. so. so. fucking lucky.

(Oh, right. Big whopping orgasms shut up the brainweasels for awhile.)

My browser is really confused about when it is. This laptop has been sleeping for, apparently, about two months, with tabs open to mastodon. Now the feeds have updated, and all the current toots are timestamped "in 2 months".

And then I hit reload.

And they still say that.

(also: it's been on the order of two months since I dragged the gaming laptop out? wtf is wrong with me?)

I still resent that identifying "oh, that's the depression talking" doesn't make the talking *stop*.

Antidepressants didn't make it stop, either, but they made me less stressed out about the jerkbrain voice that won't stop being jerky. I don't think that's sufficient reason to get back on the antidepressants. Which I've been off for .... almost a year, now? I didn't think to make note of when I stopped.

jfc, would somebody make my jerkbrain shaddup?

I've heard the irrational fear. I noted it in detail. I have made vague plans to inflict it on some poor monsterhearts character some time in the future.

Now *stop* *obsessing* *on* *the* *irrational* *fear* *already*. There is no universe where "they don't *actually* like me..." is the start to anything other than jerkbrain depression so cut it the fuck out already.

furrfu.

(fwiw I did eventually get the fuck out of bed this morning. The cats needed to be fed and I had to take my kid to a birthday party. Turns out "somebody's depending on you" is still an effective motivation for me.)

Friend: posts a one-line thing
Me: composes a long response
Friend: keeps posting a whole thoughtful thread on the thing
Me: posts my response to the original thing

Sometimes social media accidentally recapitulates that meatspace thing where I wait for my turn to talk instead of listening. Propogation lag contributes; usenet felt like that a lot, too. Wait, go back, & check the whole thread is a good habit (& easier here than on usenet!)

We live in a world where you get away with rape and murder as long as your victims have significantly less power than you have. Choose your targets wisely and you get away with anything.

In what way does this world deserve anything I have to offer? Why bother getting out of bed, anyway?

Ow my everything hurts.

"So, what if it was never going to be easier? Would you keep doing it, then?" Yes, dammit. I would persevere even if I knew it wouldn't get eaiser. But then I'd be *angry* about it, too. Ugh, therapy. I suppose technically I do come here to get my buttons pushed on purpose.

I really just need to accept that socks are an ablative technology for me and that after a half-dozen uses I will have worn a hole in the heel & need to replace them.

In related news, today is the last hurrah for my beloved rainbow jolly roger socks. :(

"His heart knew that whether or not he had meant it, whether or not he had been duped, whether or not he had been lied to, he shared the guilt....He had not been the one to cause the horror, but he had been part of making it happen." -- Angel of Destruction, under #Jurisdiction

*smug*

The thing that haunts me about Angel is the truth of the bare facts: the Langsarik's resistance of #Jurisdiction *did* create any number of situations that resulted in tragedy, even if they themselves did all they could to reduce its effect on the relatively "innocent".

Just surviving an unjust system is never clean -- there are always compromises. This is true of resistance, too.

The version of the story where they are pirates isn't entirely wrong. The system can be blamed for making them that way, but they are not easy heroes.

The third novel under #Jurisdiction (chronologically, not publication order) is Angel of Destruction. There's a different set of protagonists, but they, too, ate trying to sow justice within a fundamentally unjust system.

One of the antagonists is a fanatic who craves vengeance over peace; he claims anything other than blood fails to be just punishment for resistance.