sev @sev@witches.town

@starkatt I'm chewing on "exploring" vs. "pushing" & don't have anything interesting to say about that yet.

@starkatt I'm still thinking about this.

Awhile back, I had a lover where our sex was very often enthusiastically about pushing boundaries, moreso than usual for me (though I suspect that was just the way they were with all their lovers). And we would regularly collapse in sweaty exhausted giggles afterward and say, "maybe next time we should do it with the lights on." Because for some people that *is* way outside their comfort zone and they get the same rush from pushing that boundary as we were getting from pushing ours.

@forestservice @emanate thanks! Everything works fine on the website; this is a problem particular to the app, as far as I can tell.

@emanate this is why I'm using the setting where I get to approve my followers. (It also makes Tusky default all my posts to "followers only," which annoys the living daylights out of me.)

....how did I get bruises all over the backs of my knees without noticing?

*thinks for a minute*

*blush*

Walking into babeland with a cis dude was so weird. It's been years and years and years and years since I've done that.

I am so. so. so. fucking lucky.

(Oh, right. Big whopping orgasms shut up the brainweasels for awhile.)

My browser is really confused about when it is. This laptop has been sleeping for, apparently, about two months, with tabs open to mastodon. Now the feeds have updated, and all the current toots are timestamped "in 2 months".

And then I hit reload.

And they still say that.

(also: it's been on the order of two months since I dragged the gaming laptop out? wtf is wrong with me?)

I still resent that identifying "oh, that's the depression talking" doesn't make the talking *stop*.

Antidepressants didn't make it stop, either, but they made me less stressed out about the jerkbrain voice that won't stop being jerky. I don't think that's sufficient reason to get back on the antidepressants. Which I've been off for .... almost a year, now? I didn't think to make note of when I stopped.

jfc, would somebody make my jerkbrain shaddup?

I've heard the irrational fear. I noted it in detail. I have made vague plans to inflict it on some poor monsterhearts character some time in the future.

Now *stop* *obsessing* *on* *the* *irrational* *fear* *already*. There is no universe where "they don't *actually* like me..." is the start to anything other than jerkbrain depression so cut it the fuck out already.

furrfu.

@KoBunny yaay!

@KoBunny (now that I'm on desktop I see it there, too.) https://witches.town/media/kmLFQLuizZ6eHDCDWm0

@KoBunny on the mobile web client in the home timeline, there's a sliders icon & one of the options it offers is whether to show boosts. (I assume it's somewhere on the desktop web too, but don't have that on hand at the moment.)

I moved a bunch of my high-volume follows to an account on another instance, but I have done a cruddy job of keeping up with that.

(fwiw I did eventually get the fuck out of bed this morning. The cats needed to be fed and I had to take my kid to a birthday party. Turns out "somebody's depending on you" is still an effective motivation for me.)

Friend: posts a one-line thing
Me: composes a long response
Friend: keeps posting a whole thoughtful thread on the thing
Me: posts my response to the original thing

Sometimes social media accidentally recapitulates that meatspace thing where I wait for my turn to talk instead of listening. Propogation lag contributes; usenet felt like that a lot, too. Wait, go back, & check the whole thread is a good habit (& easier here than on usenet!)

@starkatt it's the kind of thing that was a valuable safety response when I was twelve but doesn't serve me so well now that I have more freedom to choose who I spend my time with.

@starkatt I think I know why I react that way (not to say this applies universally at all!)

Humans perform in-group behaviors; we signal us and not-us. Sometimes people signal "I belong!" for all we're worth yet are turned away, for whatever reason. And then we're freaks and weirdos or w/e & sometimes we form group identities around that.

Then it's the people who perform in-group behaviors that are suspect; if it failed when *I* did it, then their very success at "belonging" means they are "other".

We live in a world where you get away with rape and murder as long as your victims have significantly less power than you have. Choose your targets wisely and you get away with anything.

In what way does this world deserve anything I have to offer? Why bother getting out of bed, anyway?