sev @sev@witches.town

@starkatt @memnus awww, thanks both of you <3 (I'm feeling better now. Stupid anxiety.)

I don't remember "first con after I quit smoking" being such a big contrast, even though I know my social anxiety took a turn for the worse, then.

My travel-clothes are all more femme than I'm feeling & I've been self-conscious about my weight so now I just look in the mirror and see a dumpy middle-aged woman and think, gee, I wish I were sharper because I'm sure not pretty anymore.

Aaaaaaaaaaa first wiscon since I went off my antidepressants why is the social anxiety *worse* now this was supposed to work t'other way around....

(Last year, as I noticed my anxiety, particularly around travel, getting worse, I was reminded that the antidepressant I was on is contraindicated in people with anxiety. So I stopped taking it, which didn't suck as much as I was expecting, but it has not helped with the anxiety, dammit.)

I once had a friend tell me she had this dream where "you were super-pretty, just amazing, gorgeous...you were thin!" We weren't friends anymore after that.

Twenty years later that still stings sometimes. Not because I care so much any more what that person thinks, but because I know she's not unusual.

@emceeiach mee, I will be at #WisCon !

@memnus describe a parallel-universe you you're particularly fond of?

@acetone_kitten I have been experiencing this also. I'm resigned to the slow deterioration, but the periodic stuttering leaps toward decrepitude disturb me.

@starkatt *happy squeak* yay there are more! (I've read, I think, only the first three.)

@emanate if I just say "Mocktail party, tails optional" I expect I will get at least one person with an animal tail and at least one in a tux jacket.

I like this plan.

It's been ages since I had an actual *party* on my birthday. Now that I'm neither drinking alcohol nor eating cheese my old traditional "port, cheese, and chocolate" party doesn't suit me anymore and it's been several years and I still haven't found a replacement that makes me happy.

Aynjel's lobbying for a Mocktail Party. They're right; I should just do that and stop worrying about whether ppl will think it's silly.

I've actually liked the last couple of years of birthday plans -- last year's "just go see theater for the whole month" was at least half me going by myself, but I had fun anyway. And year-before-last's "make one-on-one plans with people for the whole month" was nice, too. And in both cases I did the thing more often going forward, so that was nice.

@Oneironott @emanate @starkatt I especially like cons for dancing. It's super-special to dance in a crowd of people who are likely to on some level Get Me.

@Jules oh, that's gorgeous!!

I suspect one of the reasons dancing makes me horny is that the sweat on the insides of my thighs feels like lubrication and sometimes I'm just that suggestible.

Also writhing bodies in the swampy heat doesn't hurt.