I can't seem to unpick the soup that is my feelings about gender, power, vulnerability, my antidepressants, my gender presentation.

After 15 years on my antidepressants , I stopped taking them this summer. After going off the meds, I'm getting the urge to swing my presentation back to the more-butch me of 15 years ago.

And part of me is like, yay, I missed studly-femme me! And part of me is like, what is this *pants* thing even why?