I would please please like to stop missing the abusive ex.
I don't normally have much *longing* for people after a breakup. It's been nine months. I would like to be *done* now. I would like to harden my heart so that the memories of abuse don't hurt as much and apparently I can't do that when I'm still, on some level, pining.
I still feel such anger, that someone I loved could have done those things! But it is not outrage from a place of strength. It is lash-out anger that comes from being hurt. I can't really put my finger on the difference, but there is one.
Can I be done now?