I poured a bunch of that energy into a dysfunctional relationship for a little while, but that was a terrible idea. I can't shake the feeling that that particular channel of my energy is ... not broken, but still tied up in the murkiness of that community. I dunno how to get it back. I wasn't just a system administrator; I was a community organizer who happened to use technology. And it went badly and I haven't come back from that.

(hey, look, it's still true about me: I write more deeply for an audience of mostly-strangers than for myself or for my therapist.)