One of my sweeties has been asking, every couple of months: "So, you said, maybe you'd figure out What You're Doing Next once you got the server all the way shut down. Have any thoughts about that?" He asks just rarely enough that it's not pestering. But often enough to keep the question on my radar.
Like, theoretically, I've got some bandwidth, now, that I should be able spend on other things. That project took a lot of energy. My kid was born two weeks after her due date; I spent those weeks upgrading the mailserver.
I poured a bunch of that energy into a dysfunctional relationship for a little while, but that was a terrible idea. I can't shake the feeling that that particular channel of my energy is ... not broken, but still tied up in the murkiness of that community. I dunno how to get it back. I wasn't just a system administrator; I was a community organizer who happened to use technology. And it went badly and I haven't come back from that.
(hey, look, it's still true about me: I write more deeply for an audience of mostly-strangers than for myself or for my therapist.)