@starkatt I'm still thinking about this.

Awhile back, I had a lover where our sex was very often enthusiastically about pushing boundaries, moreso than usual for me (though I suspect that was just the way they were with all their lovers). And we would regularly collapse in sweaty exhausted giggles afterward and say, "maybe next time we should do it with the lights on." Because for some people that *is* way outside their comfort zone and they get the same rush from pushing that boundary as we were getting from pushing ours.