i'm being put on a course at work

i have absolutely no info about this course, i don't even know what it's called

everyone calls it The Diploma and people who have done The Diploma speak in exalted terms about The Diploma

i start a week on monday

at least i got some warning, one of my colleagues did it last year, he didn't know he was doing The Diploma until the day of The Diploma

all i know is The Diploma sessions happen every monday for two months, and the people who do it end up forming incredibly strong bonds with their group

you know like those stories of people who share formative experiences together and have unbreakable lifelong bonds

it sounds like that kind of thing

ok i got some more information today about The Diploma

turns out it's a SIX MONTH course not two months

the full title is "Diploma in Therapeutic Child Care and Education"

i have been told to be 'defensive' as other people on the course from other work bases can "project a lot of negativity" onto people from my work base

and there is indeed an hour of sitting in silence at the end of the day which i have been told to "utilise"

can't wait to join a cult

i am also required to keep a 'reflective journal' during The Diploma

apparently i will do well because i am "quite calm"

i was gonna take a week off masto but remembered i have to toot about The Diploma on monday

had my first The Diploma session today. i don't know what to say. i'm still processing what just happened

the first half of the day wasn't too bad, i thought i knew what i was getting into when one of the consultants posed the question "where have you come from today", and somebody ventured to reply "do you mean where have we come from physically, or internally within ourselves", and the consultant looked thoughtful and said "it is up to you how you answer the question"

the second half of the day began with the consultant setting us the task of creating a rota for two people to present a case study each week. he gave us 45 minutes which set off alarm bells in my head

45 minutes later, we have a rota, but there is icy silence, one member of the group says she feels like being sick and wants to run out of the room, we spent the next 90 minutes analysing what happened

someone suggested that one person could oversee the rota and text weekly reminders to everyone. most people disagreed. the consultant said that this was because we couldn't bear one person to be in a position of power within the group. the group immediately bit the head off the consultant, saying that in fact we were concerned that one person would have that level of responsibility and that they could end up shouldering blame that wasn't theirs. the consultants sat quietly with lips pursed

it felt a bit like someone had died. i spent 20 minutes working up the courage to tell the consultants that i thought they had designed the exercise precisely to see if it would cause distrust and discomfort within the group, and that it felt like we were lab rats. the consultant did not respond. he did eventually say that perhaps we found it unbearable to voice any kind of feeling, much less to understand it

The Diploma: Weeks 2 and 3

last week was fairly uneventful, apart from the bit where one member of the group piped up that all the recent terror attacks were a sign that we should "rejoice when these things happen, because the bible says the endtimes are near"

this was the day after the las vegas shooting

she was met with stony silence

she was then shut the fuck down by another member of the group who had grown up during throughout multiple conflicts in kurdistan

the three men all sat together, on the opposite side of the room of the (male) tutor, while the women lined the outside of the circle, which somebody noticed and commented on. then they noticed me, not sitting with the other men, and said "oh, sorry, and james, who's somewhere in the middle". i *think* they meant geographically.

in today's session, bible mcrapture didn't say anything inflammatory but she was wearing some sort of knitted bra on her head

in the afternoon, two people had to present case studies, after which they were made to sit outside the circle, facing away from everybody, and remain silent while we dissected and critiqued their presentations. nice

today's diploma was pretty good, some highlights:

when somebody asked to change the clock (which hadn't been adjusted for daylight savings), the consultant replied "there is no time in the unconscious"

when talking about videogames as escapism, the consultant said, entirely seriously, "videogames can be a form of masturbation"

we also had a lengthy discussion in the group about the deeper symbolism of children whom poo