patience ❎ @patience@witches.town

depending on when i'm awake and my task list is dealt with, i think i'm going to take my new gift for a test spin, probably in the morning: a soviet-made lubitel 166B twin-lens reflex, medium--format film camera

i'm remarkably excited about this, even if i won't be able to develop the film for a while

hi mutuals who've also connected with me on signal:

would you like for me to send a voice text over to you :3

i'll be baking two more loaves of homemade bread shortly, which i'm getting better at doing. downside: i let the dough rest longer than i'd have preferred, but hopefully it'll still be tasty

today for me has only just begun

restless leg side effects kept me up for about 39 hours before i could finally go to sleep. that's the good news. i had things i needed to do during the daytime today but missed them all entirely. that's the bad news

i expect i'll be up for another 24–36hrs now, which is sort of a blessing and a curse. i would like to have an ordinary diel cycle again

(also i'm dealing with a withdrawal headache for having slept through my venlafaxine dose window for the first time)

how's your day, all

this day has gone to positively terrible almost instantly D:

basically, a rash of change is upon me, and idk where i'll end up

i need to take a deep breath and begin to start making decisions which come with more risk than i've had the courage to do for much of the past three to five years

if i don't, i will perish

hi i made a three-part poll on birbsite please participate if you want: https://twitter.com/patienceinbee/status/870132660902998016

but i still don't know how to shake away from this circadian cycle, which is annoying

…once i got back west, there were fears that i wouldn't be allowed back in, but somehow i was. i picked up my cat and also a kitten, but then the kitten got loose before i could get back onto the road back to nyc. around this point, in what seemed like several days, i awoke from the dream.

even this synopsis is abbreviated, as there were other people, other interactions, and other "cameos" of people from my life who appeared, and the vividness of this fictive nyc were quite detailed. i suppose this is all because i hadn't slept long enough for days to reach this stage of sleep, idk

…blowing us through a toll booth and having our tires blown out, all which his org crime grudge was shooting at us (i was freaking out either in the back seat or the passenger seat). once the car stopped, we split up and i ended up in a swampy part of brooklyn. i ran into my friend goldie and we walked for a bit. then i got back to the apartment to try to unpack and plan to go back west with a rental car to pick up my cat & bring back the car in time. as i hit the west, i ran into a familiar — my ex-mum, possessed by a demon with a conscience. she was being motherly & kind to me, which is why i know it wasn't actually her, but i was fine with that…

good news: i slept almost non-stop for seven hours for the first time in a week

bad news: it happened during daytime

rem news: the most vivid dream in a while. not entirely pleasant. i had to suddenly move across the continent to nyc (coming from either van or sea). my estranged cousin was in it. i packed my stuff into a rental car and got a carrier for my cat. the drive across was short, but rainy. at one point, we got pulled over. in nyc, our apt had a coke addict who was my cousin's friend. but realized my cat wasn't with me and was still out west. my cousin had a grudge w/ someone in nyc in organized crime, & we were chased on a tollway…

after considering horse piss and archival methods, i accept that i may be a bit witchy after all

who would have thought i'd ever say this about myself

anybody here like toffifée

wow @PinkCathodeCat just intro'd me to a word i didn't even know i needed in my life <3

i just remembered how i had been hoping for an opportunity to casually mention/drop how i've only ever dated women and how i'm lesbian, just so i could gauge her expression, but the opportunity never presented itself

[truth be told, i've only ever dated women, virtually all of it after i voiced as trans, but on a kindey scale, i'm not a "gold star 6", but probably more a 4½]