patience ❎ @patience@witches.town

@rosa @morganastra on this suggestion, i'll give twidere a try for twitter-side in lieu of the standard client (fortunately, i am spared the ads because of the ad blocker app on my device)

@rosa @morganastra it has its quirks, but i use tusky still on my handheld, and i'm ok with it. i forget whether multi-account access was added, but i've really only been using this instance anyway

i've been pretty explicit about the content i post on here being discrete from what i post about on aviansite

@Dangerous_beans i guess, idk. i'm just stuck with conflicting messages: people like my cptsd therapist telling me this week that i'm not just "talented, but multi-talented" on one end, and on the other i think about the times i produced things to sell and then few people bought them (like all 400 or so apparel designs i put up on redbubble) or they asked me to do highly professional-level creative work for basically free (spec), then walk away… or like when i deejay and make sets and not a lot of people show up… all of which leads me to believe i'm unoriginal, boring, etc., and that's why there hasn't been much support in the past

i'm messed up

@Dangerous_beans idk, i fear it would make me more afraid for fear that whatever i produce will be met with disappointment or dismissals of mediocrity (basically the grown-up version of everyone laughing at you and your ineptness and ordinariness when you're a kid, stage fright, etc.)

there are reasons you don't see me writing thinkpieces or getting work published: because there is nothing that i can look to that i've produced which is consistently good or incisive or novel or whatever. so i'm not sure

moreover, i seem to be most confident with my work, whatever it is, whenever no one at all is expecting it

@transfaerie and also that i've hesitant to release things i produce to the world for fear of it all getting shot down, and yet people still seem to want to hear what i can do or see what i might make, idk

@transfaerie it's more that i'm coming out of a three-year-long severe depression within which i've produced very little — that most of my work and what people have seen/read/liked of my stuff is from prior to the breakdown

someone suggested i start a patreon — someone who's relied on their own patreon account for a while

but the thing is… why would i do that if i'm not producing much of anything, and who would want to be a patron to nothing?

this is what i'm struggling with internally

@nire hmmm idk

@morganastra is that an android app or ios

@MadeByGlamour "annoying and dickish" is not how i'm going to describe you :P

@Morgane 💚

@Morgane i suppose, and likewise i suppose it's how the brain files away long-term memories and disposes of short-term ones, but all the same the experience felt unfamiliar except for the people and the places in the dream's set piece

this anti-depressant, coupled with its side-effects of keeping me from falling to sleep at an expected time, has really brought to the surface a series of vivid, sometimes disturbing dreams. i hope they subside soon

there was another vivid dreammare like i've been having since the 24-36hr sleep cycle began. oddly, i'm remembering details about the latest not after just waking, but several hours afterward

i really can't offer much detail about this one publicly, except that i was dealing with two nation-states, members of my estranged family of origin, someone i've slept with in the last year, resistance weapons (including the tiniest revolver ever), a supermarket and some other elements which, as i write these, make absolutely no sense, but in the dream, it felt like i was preparing for an important escape from something really bad

@hypatian so then i shouldn't mention the remix album for A Secret Wish was called Wishful Thinking, and it too was released in multiple iterations :3

@catalina the ignorant immortals would be the worst thing ever

@catalina people spending eternity not wanting to learn anything would be terrible

@catalina yes

@catalina i think the line was more along the line of "ideas are bulletproof", but point taken :P

@catalina the barthesian counter is the kantegorical imperative can't frown, because death of the author