as i go about my day (night), i've been feeling out of sorts and i think i'm starting to guess why:
while i was asleep, i had a fairly long, extended dream (nightmare) involving my family of origin, the usual rejection of me by sibs as my abusive ex-mum berates me to my face. but my dad, who lived in his own place, also snubbed me when he didn't show up to a supper i'd prepared for him as dinner guest. when i finally found him, he was with my sibs & ex-mum, and also with another family who had one kid, also trans, they had been treating the exact same way. it was unpleasant that a stranger (other trans person's mum)…
body, sleep, restlessness Afficher plus
…passed judgement on me solely by what my ex-mum was feeding into her head, but it was another to find that my dad was there & going along with it.
the time & setting was vague, but elements of where i grew up were there, as was me starting the last car i ever owned (which i last drove in ’01), and what appeared to be my late grandmum's home where i lived during high school. yet somehow, i was an adult, aged probably close to where i am now, & my social expectations of these cis folks were what i'd expect for 2017: disappointment.
altho i gave up on blood family years ago, dreams like this still twist the knife of abandonment hard