I... think I have a legit problem here at this point.

Though I feel -substantially- better (and WAY more functional) emotionally with the Spiro, something subconscious is snapping back, HARD! Same feel I think that nixed the orchi back in May.

It's getting to where I'm winding up in a sustained back-and-forth (which I'm sure my kidneys love! XD ) trying to match an inner fire with a working social psyche, and not let the latter burn me and everyone nearby.

I should make clear, I am NOT going E-only again. Not after that.

Last time I did this and dropped spiro though, it felt like a man-rage reset overnight. Like the hormonal buildup just... ended. And the bad crap gradually formented over weeks.

So... what gives? Subconscious, what exactly are you trying to tell me?

@KawaSeadrake are you sure its rational stuff or maybe its fear based?

@nire Honestly, at this point I have no clue. What would it be a fear of? Maybe a holdover from that lead-up where I wouldn't have been able to turn back? (Gonna have to give this one some serious thought, I think)

@KawaSeadrake fear of things you cant turn back on, fear of irreversability, idk

@KawaSeadrake like im not saying you have these or that i think you have them, just that they are possibilities and probably the most likely of things i can think of, applying experience of others

@nire I could see that, thing is... logically, I know by now things shift around within literally a -day- of dose changes mentally.

And from everything I've experienced recently, there is literally -nothing- good that T provides for me. In fact it may as well be poison.

Then again, the subconscious doesn't function on logic...