@KawaSeadrake fear of things you cant turn back on, fear of irreversability, idk

@KawaSeadrake like im not saying you have these or that i think you have them, just that they are possibilities and probably the most likely of things i can think of, applying experience of others

@nire I could see that, thing is... logically, I know by now things shift around within literally a -day- of dose changes mentally.

And from everything I've experienced recently, there is literally -nothing- good that T provides for me. In fact it may as well be poison.

Then again, the subconscious doesn't function on logic...

@KawaSeadrake you can also boost drive other ways

@KawaSeadrake i forget /what/ they are other than erection pills (though that chicken-and-egg bootstraps it), but there are some that deal solely with arousal

@KawaSeadrake also its not theres nothing that t provides for you, its that over a certain dose t provides not great things for you -- everyone needs some, or you get extreme exhaustion

@KawaSeadrake which is basically 'dont nuke it and maybe consider patches if you want more drive after orchi/whatever/gonadal atrophe but you can stay below those doses'

@nire Hrm... I don't -think- that's the problem? In fact that 'inner fire' has proven basically useless? I never really got my masculine -libido- back, but I got adjacent anxieties full force. And I didn't get a -get up and fix things- drive from it either.

@KawaSeadrake no no i mean like, zero testosterone does that.

w/in cis woman levels you get normal energy, above that you get male-stereotypical effects

@nire That's what's seriously bothering me here. The pull is fight-or-flight grade and IT MAKES NO FREAKING SENSE!

(I'm not listening this time around FTR, but... damn if this isn't spiking my body/meatbrain dysphoria hardcore)

@KawaSeadrake i mean its one of thsoe things where you can still go back to cycling the testosterone if in 2-3 months its still going -- journaling will help

@KawaSeadrake er, help you keep track of it instead of getting used to it

@nire True, and this IS part of why I've tooted basically incessantly about this stuff.

Thing is... on the spiro my energy is markedly higher? Like without it I usually -crash- in the afternoon and don't really come back up until near bed.

@KawaSeadrake right, but spiro doesnt get rid of it unless you have a loooot of it

@KawaSeadrake it just binds randomly to receptors and it ends up being basically evenly distributed eventually