having just written something somewhat related, i sort of just realised that were it not for cis people being shitty about gender and the gatekeeping thereof, i'd probably be cool b eing a boy on estrogen + antiandrogens.

because for me a loooooot of it was that testosterone was very much the wrong brain soup, and the physical changes are... less a thing for me? I want bigger breasts and i dont really want my bits, but a lot of that is social pressures from cis people being awful. I could do with GRS, but I care so little about my genitals.

I'm cool with agender and woman side of things, its just, one of those things where i think were it not for cis people, i wouldnt have ever nudged myself towards woman before i went to agender, which has changed a lot of my thoughts on things

and im not sure how i feel about that,since i think this was a positive exp other than the hate

my 'agender' is still closer to woman/that-side-nb in terms of presentation and how i see myself, but i just

dont feel gender and i dont think i ever have, but for a long time i confused dysphoria as a strong feeling of gender

the dysphoria wasnt strong, fairly mild, but testosterone gave me very, very strong dysphoria/badbrains

@nire i was prescribed T and it felt like it removed all my inhibitions around expressing anger or frustration. that wasn't a good or safe thing, so i stopped taking it, and then stopped taking all my meds, for over 15 years, which seems to have had few negative consequences. i wasn't on it long enough for it to do much to my body.

lol, let's be bodies unintelligible to medicine.