Sarah @mimtschan@witches.town

- anyone can follow but don't be weird
- feel free to comment on selfies even if you're not following
- feel free too comment lewdly on lewd posts, just not randomly maybe (-> don't be a creep)
- hugs are always fine i love hugs
- never hesitate to ask about things i post about (usually i wanna elaborate on everything but feel like I'm boring)
- ask me anything ever and interact with me 💜
- understand that I'm not good at small talk and i prefer convos that don't have a strict beginning and end (i don't like hi - how are you - convo - bye.... barge in on me!)
- don't patronize me

so we got a grill/sandwich maker for Christmas from my parents and matti just ran her hands across it

me: that looks very sexual matt
matti: i know right? i /feel/ very sexual about the grill
me: uhh... /please/ don't incorporate the grill in any sexual activities
me: and please don't put your foot on it
matti: but you do gotta admit
matti:
me:
matti: it /is/ pretty hot

another update: he texted me now that our advisor won't be in office before January 2 and thar he "suggests i do start working on the project"

this is really all i need, everyone. more people believing that i "don't want" instead of "am not able too". that makes it soooo much easier to shut down my own shit brain about it.

at the same time I'm just so hurt and angry that my mom can't see that I'm trying my best and that I've always earned my own money and never asked my parents to support me and that I'm trying to find a solution that works since my current situation obviously isn't and instead of supporting me she sees me as a failure and keeps saying to my face how disappointed she is. this really, really hurts

it's just so fucking difficult if you work on believing yourself and what your body and brain need and try to do enough self care but then your mother says all your self doubts out loud and that makes it kinda very VERY fucking difficult to not believe they were true all along

so after ruining Christmas yesterday by bringing up against better judgement that i want to pause uni and work for now and shattering my mom's world apparently i am now back to feeling shitty and lazy for not doing anything and a weight everyone has to carry and the princess that just sits there giving orders while saying to everything "no can't do that" even though i probably could

update on this bullshit: he wrote the advisor too as an answer to my email (that just said that i couldn't continue for health reasons) that if he can't continue alone, i would stay in and help anyway.

i am writing these words influenced by our mighty goddess indica.

can i make a religion for weed pls. i think weed is the saviour of the world and it's truth needs to be brought back to the people so everyone can feel better. cannabis is the divine plant.

i think weed was nature's way of giving us a cure for everything
and as long as people have been using plants for things, weed has been used for practically everything, to cure anxiety, pain, and sickness. the human evolved to be a being that functions best when stoned, using different strains depending on the purpose
there was no disease or disorder, everyone just took their weed like they'd eat and drink
then someone had the idea that it was evil magic or something and then it good vilified all over the world
and now humans don't take their needed meds and that's why everyone feels bad
(i do not claim any historical accuracy here)

ok. interesting. smoked weed and all that's left from the pain is exhaustion. feels like earlier the pain was so tense that it wasn't even recognizable anymore as exhaustion. and now i do. so i rest again. hmmm.

btw i didn't mean that i hate Christmas but it's not a good day to be knocked out - i wanna have a good time and i also still have stuff to do.

it's Christmas, my legs hurt a lot (like exhaustion pain? a bit like cramps?), my abdomen hurts (actual cramps) and i feel able to do little more than lie down. uh. fml i guess