Sarah @mimtschan@witches.town

i just got my period. ok. didn't expect that because that's a bit early for my cycle
that kinda... changes things but idk how? have i been feeling like crap because of pms? was it just a contributing factor?
i just also noticed that my legs are just as tired from being up for 10 minutes as yesterday.
i really don't know what's going on with me.

now that's what i look like after smoking weed again yesterday night. can't simulate this relaxed face tbh. taking it as a sign to continue self medicating. https://witches.town/media/fnOEBe50jujd-eJsyCY

mmmhhhh i love my girlfriend she is sooooooo soft and the cuddliest and she is so cute and beautiful and i love waking up cuddled up to her

thing i don't like about python: that you don't declare variables first. that gets soooo confusing, especially with class attributes? or am i missing something? is there a convention to make those more apparent? (just writing attribute = null seems a bit... unelegant)

i wish i could code but can barely hold my phone up. hm. *goes back to lying there and staring at the walls*

oh god i helped matti tidy up for like 10min super minimally and now my body feels like i did a three hour workout what even is this

i feel much better, i coded a little and actually managed to do the task, and i feel a bit recharged
but also, even though i feel happy, i have this anxious feeling in the back of my mind, the lump in my throat and i feel like i could cry any minute. idek what that's about. but yeah. I'm not cured, apparently, what a surprise 🙄

thinking about having to go back to work next Wednesday fills me with dread. so does thinking about doing a coding contest next Saturday that will decide if i get a job.

now I'll have to gather up the spoons to write that email, and if i can't drop it then i really don't know what to do.
at least i really don't feel guilty anymore. I'm sorry my mental illness is an inconvenience for you mate. just fuck off.

wrote to the guy I'm on a team with for the last class i haven't dropped yet. told him in detail how I've been feeling and why i don't think i can do it. he responded by guilt tripping me and saying that he's not pleased because it'll mean more work for him, told me to email the advisor that i can't continue for health reasons, and said "if he didn't let me do it alone you'll continue anyway." he put it as an order, basically.