Sarah @mimtschan@witches.town

holy shit my eyes are HUGE without the glasses.
btw i did this eyeliner today without a q-tip. not a single one. nada.

ok i've done just about nothing but now i'm exhausted

i've embedded the same script in 2 html pages and it only works in the one and not on the other and i'm kinda tired of this sigh

my kitty won't let me pet her or pick her up today either she just keeps running away from me

((this is making me sadder than it should))

my brain is saying i'm lazy and i suck and i think it's wrong because it's not my fault but i'm not entirely sure, what if i'm really just super fucking lazy and whiny
i know y'all are gonna say i'm not but what if i'm just being so dramatic that even i myself believe it's much worse than it is

*decides to only hand in the programming tasks because the rest only makes up 3 out of 14 points*

i feel like crying just because i have to do this tiny bit of homework and i wish i could just immediately drop uni i don't wanna do it anymore and its still 2 months i can't

*actually I'm scared of being asked out and would probably say no to anyone rn because I'd not be emotionally prepared just to make that clear lol

i want to cuddle with ppl and have many girlfriends and not go to uni

seriously though demonstrating that a program "works" using a screenshot is sooooo dumb and one sided and also lazy from the teachers side? one year case doesn't prove everything's correct? and not getting it to run often doesn't mean everything is completely wrong? ughhh

*types up essay about wanting to take a break of uni to avoid doing homework*

my only problem about this is that i'm not sure if i'm seeing this objectively but just twisting and turning it the way i want it. but i also kind of need this decision, a finish line in sight, not another year or more ahead in which i have to write my bachelor's thesis. i'm so scared of it, and i cannot do that in my current state where i want to NOT do anything for uni with such a passion. it's not just "eh, i'm too lazy for it right now". it's more like "i don't want to i don't want to please don't make me".
and i just wish i didn't have to finish the semester first.there's so much left to do and i'm so low on energy.

this is hard because i feel like i'm giving up and like there's no guarantee that i'll feel better after a break. but i've been considering it for a while and now i am pretty sure that after this semester, i'll take a break from uni and find a job, try to do some programming in my free time, whatever i wanna do, so i become more passionate about it again and remember why i wanted to do it - which is because i enjoy programming and want to get into it, not because of academia. i think the worst case is i'll find a job and not want to get back to uni and not get my degree and earn a bit less. but i think that would still be ok?

i've been finding it hard to deal with the situation that i have zero motivation for uni. i think this is an adhd thing maybe, but i often feel like i can be extremely excited and motivated for something, but after a while i might lose that and then it doesn't just get hard for me to continue with it but it turns into a chore and it's all consuming and i start hating every second of it and that i have to think about it all the time. i've tried hard to fight through it, but at this point it just feels to me like i absolutely HAVE to take a break if i want it to get better. i need to get some distance from it, until i WANT to do it again.

i hate homework and i want to quit uni immediately 😭

bllllrrghhhh we have this one proseminar where we had to choose groups but apparently we're only allowed to do the programming tasks in groups but we still have to provide screenshots to prove that it works for all of us (... why) and the ones where we have to write we have to do alone
this is so annoying because i HATE having to work in groups and this dude is taking away its only advantage
i have to look through all of this now and do my own version and i'm soooo not feeling it
(he is also really annoying and asks such weird questions and doesn't understand the answers because his english is so bad)