i dunno if this is a generational thing but a lot of my childhood & teens were spent in terror first, and then apathy

i managed to escape that by living fast, and doing drugs! and then just drinking loads in my twenties…

until i couldn't anymore. i started therapy, then stopped drinking, and smoking and smoking…
… and i'm still just trying to put myself together while slowly falling apart… physically, and mentally.

and all i can think of is… "this is unfair"