linen @linen@witches.town

@deem sounds good! sleep well! 💛

oh look, the internet has this covered: https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/532073258/hey-im-gay

ok, I have a draft for my email to my parents, and it goes like this:

hey hey
I'm gay gay

@deem hahaha! definitely easier in the long run, but sometimes I definitely need to be talked through them. plus actually having a strategy when they get overwhelming omg - those worksheets you sent me ages ago were so helpful.

@deem thank youuuuu 💛 (you should be too btw)

@deem organising your feelings is a great way to actually avoid feeling them (if you're me at least). to actually deal with them, I need to feel them. bah.

@deem I mean.....I'm being pretty sarcastic here, but organising feelings in a structured way can be helpful as like, a prelude to dealing with them. like for therapy, I like to make point form notes for stuff to talk about bc doing that is a great way to clarify what I actually want to talk about.

but writing a massively detailed essay about my feelings and sending that to someone else to deal with....no. not helpful.

thank goodness for therapy

"organising my feelings into a very clear and detailed essay is totally engaging with them because that is how you engage with important topics"

sometimes I'm like "why am I like this" and then I remember taking 8 years to finish my degree and the amount of academic writing I did

ok, second email is done, and it's only ~500 words and has no sections, so clearly I've calmed down a bit since last year when I wrote a 5000 word email about my feelings, complete with titled and numbered sections, subsections, and sub-subsections

@deem I mean it's already better than sitting on the couch moping, which is what I was doing before. thank you 💛

@deem the first one wasn't too bad really, these other ones are gonna take longer. but pretty sure I can finish the next one, and I want to at least get a draft for the one to my parents 😣

@deem *hugs!* thanks 💛 one down, 2 to go!

oh no I have several emotionally intense emails/letters to write and I'm so anxious

ok, I'm going to learn to play this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmKlYaygCek

because, unlike most of the stuff I've been trying to play recently, it's actually a reasonable thing to learn for my current skill level. yes. good. (apparently I only want to play chopin atm)

I have gotten a lot better at sight reading though

I'm really enjoying playing the piano again! but I've lost a lot of my skill, and it's frustrating bc I really want to play LOUD and FAST, which is fine for songs where I just improvise chords, but not so much for pieces like Chopin's Nocturnes (I only know/knew a couple, but they were so. good.)

something in me is going a bit overboard though, bc every stray idea I have, I'm like YES THIS IS BRILLIANT DO THIS, but that is a fast way to burn out and fall down again, so gotta keep things reasonable

coming out of a depressive episode is weird bc I'm like....interested in things again? I want to do stuff and learn things! what is this?!