It's hard to tell when it's a good time to start seeking out relationships again after being single.

I've been single for 7 months now and it's been really good for me, esp for overcoming my codependent tendencies.

But I miss cuddles and spending flirty/sexy/romantic time with ppl.

Like I want these things but don't trust myself enough yet to know if I want them for genuine reasons or just because I'm lonely.

@Sparrow it can be really hard! do you think, if you started a relationship, you'd catch yourself being codependant, and be able to deal with it? or would it kinda sneak up on you?

alternatively, if you want a clear but arbitrary rule, be single for at least half the length of the previous relationship

@linen

I'm not sure. I think if I were doing a "single poly" situation, lived on my own, and really consciously centered myself (not to the extent of being an ass, just prioritizing my needs while minimizing harm to others) I might be able to do it.

That would be another year and a half. Which, honestly, would probably do wonders for me psychologically.

@Sparrow is that relationship style one you'd choose, or just the only option for avoiding codependency? if it's the only option and not something you'd choose freely, I'd say wait a while

....and yeah, if something would do wonders for you psychologically, that's a pretty strong sign it would be a healthy choice

if you're lonely, don't forget you can still reach out and strengthen connections with people in non-"relationship" contexts! (that's what I'm working on atm actually) there are lots of ways to feel connected and supported

@linen

Kind of both? It's something I want to try at some point in my life, but I'm not set on doing it forever.

I think in all honesty being single for at least another year feels really healthy to me. Maybe after that time I can reassess what relationship styles might work best for me.

And that's a seriously good point! It's been harder to maintain friendships in my late twenties than it used to be- ppl are busy or coupled off. But I have friendships I can strengthen.

@Sparrow yeah, sounds like waiting and taking some time with yourself is a great plan! I'm a fan of thinking about relationship styles *before* meeting someone you're into, so you don't get that quiet bias towards whatever it is the other person is doing

yeah, I found the transition once people started graduating, getting jobs and families, etc, to be really difficult - things didn't "just happen" any more, and tbh a lot of people were just unwilling to put in any effort. but some people are willing to do the work, or respond if I do! plus, I think a lot of people are in a similar position - making new friends is always an option too