@Sparrow is that relationship style one you'd choose, or just the only option for avoiding codependency? if it's the only option and not something you'd choose freely, I'd say wait a while

....and yeah, if something would do wonders for you psychologically, that's a pretty strong sign it would be a healthy choice

if you're lonely, don't forget you can still reach out and strengthen connections with people in non-"relationship" contexts! (that's what I'm working on atm actually) there are lots of ways to feel connected and supported

@linen

Kind of both? It's something I want to try at some point in my life, but I'm not set on doing it forever.

I think in all honesty being single for at least another year feels really healthy to me. Maybe after that time I can reassess what relationship styles might work best for me.

And that's a seriously good point! It's been harder to maintain friendships in my late twenties than it used to be- ppl are busy or coupled off. But I have friendships I can strengthen.

@Sparrow yeah, sounds like waiting and taking some time with yourself is a great plan! I'm a fan of thinking about relationship styles *before* meeting someone you're into, so you don't get that quiet bias towards whatever it is the other person is doing

yeah, I found the transition once people started graduating, getting jobs and families, etc, to be really difficult - things didn't "just happen" any more, and tbh a lot of people were just unwilling to put in any effort. but some people are willing to do the work, or respond if I do! plus, I think a lot of people are in a similar position - making new friends is always an option too

@linen

Yeah, totally. I've definitely suspect of doing that before. But I'm starting to get a clearer idea of what I might want.

Yeah, it definitely takes a lot more work. I have a core group of friends that I okay DnD with, and hopefully I'll meet some more ppl thru the tabletop community in our area. It's tricky finding other queer friends tho bc so many queer events are themed around hooking up/dating.

@Sparrow yay for knowing what you want!! so difficult but so important...

and eugh I know right? I've been doing some non-queer meetups, but everyone I've met so far is just...kind of really boring. sigh

@linen

Yeah. I think meeting new, interesting friends after age 22 or so is a challenge for a lot of us.

I did forget about Meetup.com. That could be a good resource. I remember there being a queer board game night hosted at a local bar in Sacramento, while I was living there. I'm sure they do something like that where I am now, too.

I'm not sober, but it seems especially difficult to meet new queer people when a) you're not looking to hookup, and b) you don't drink.

@Sparrow yup, I don't drink or want to hook up, so it's a challenge. there are several local boardgame cafes here though, I should see if any of them have queer nights or sth - thanks! hope it goes well for you