g, which is short for "goth" @lichclown@witches.town

adderall doesnt affect my focus that much (to be fair im only on 20 mg/day) but it works Wonders on my executive function

hgghh im considering calling in to my dbt group and saying that i cant come (because i want to stay at the apartment to keep an eye on bronwyn) but i missed the last meeting and i forgot to call in that time,
uugh

i feel bad for not being able to afford euthanasia for bronwyn (or for my other mice) because people in pet communities get very Judgey about people who cant afford vet services

but like. by the time mice show signs of illness theyre usually at deaths door anyways... like if there was a chance of saving her i (+ my mom, on whom i am financially dependent atm) id spring for it but as it is there's very little time left

and as bad as i feel for not being able to do this one thing i also feel like overall ive been able to take good care of my mice and give them better lives than they likely would have had otherwise

fortunately years of snake ownership have gotten me used to handling dead mice and while i adore my pet mice and i'm sad when they pass, it's not as Traumatic as i think it could be (especially because they live such short lives)

the worst part is seeing them suffer- that was the worst thing about syia's illness; she was sick for a month before we had her euthanized

bronwyn is very weak, shes not having muscle spasms (which is a sign of imminent death afaik) yet

when i was giving her water i noticed that her tongue appears swollen and she's having trouble closing her mouth and i have no idea why; im considering seeing if i can have a necropsy done just to know if its a uri or not

in any case i dont think theres any way to save her :(

my psychiatrist has a vornado in his office

sometimes i think about trying to navigate orientation labels as a nonbinary genderfluid person and sometimes i just never want to talk to cis people again

i love this promo photo because it looks like they're about to release an indie pop album https://witches.town/media/gFGLu7_rL8dxAifyFrc

she's the one Blepping

here's the best pic of bronwyn that i have https://witches.town/media/hmPuljtTmk0E7ggqDsQ

bronwyn is dying and i don't want to leave her in the group cage bc if she dies and her body stays in too long the others will eat her

and i know its natural mouse behavior but its hard for me to deal with

at my dbt group each meeting we say how our self-destructive urges have been for the past week and there are some people who Never have them and it boggles my mind

that feel when things blend together and im crying about mr rappaport and about bronwyn and about my other mice who have passed away and about bobby all at the same time

i thought i was done mourning bobby but i guess not

he was the most amazing person i have met ever i think and i miss him