g, which is short for "goth" @lichclown@witches.town

there's an article abt rappaport's death and also an excerpt from a book about handmade films (studio that did time bandits) and i read them when i was first reading about his work and both of them give the impression (unintentional or not) that he was rude/distanced from his costars in bandits bc he didnt want to be treated "like a dwarf actor" and having learned more about his work and his life i dont think thats a fair assessment

god i'm watching this bbc program abt the history of pantomime, because david rappaport's in it aha
and like, i had seen "history of pantomime" listed under "interviews and other appearances" on his website and i thought it was an interview at first and got Super excited because there is a history of ableism in pantomime (especially for small people)
its still cool to watch his stage work though! im really glad its available to watch publicly

i love theater history honestly but one thing that becomes really apparent when reading about entertainment as an art and industry in the us is that minstrel shows have been HUGELY influential to white american theater/comedy and you cant really.. ignore that
like we've seen discussion of antiblackness and clown tropes and i dont think its accurate to say that Everything about american clowns is based in antiblackness (since theres also influence from european clowning) but it's still something that needs to be considered in modern Clown Appreciation esp for white people i think, because we're so capable of hurting ppl with those tropes

i have 0 judgment for other people who binge or who eat a lot in general but when i binge i feel Mad at myself and like, its my fault im fat and because im fat im a disappointment to the people around me, and it also feels like everybody else Would judge me

god i wish there was more discussion of like... the historical and contemporary Othering of fat bodies (esp fat disabled bodies, fat trans bodies, fat bodies of color) and the presence of fat people as Freaks in entertainment, both historical and in current pop culture and holy SHIT i want to research and write a paper on this

the part of it that we read discussed roscoe arbuckle and his trial and as a person from a family of early film comedy fans i grew up knowing who he was (but since i was pretty young my parents didnt tell me the details about the Thing w/ him)
anyways uuhh that was Upsetting even if im glad that theres nuanced discussion of the role that fatphobia played in it

god i REALLY want to read bodies out of bounds, i read a bit of it ages ago but i wanna read more

that feel when merc, in headspace, lets out this weird bloodcurdling laugh and im confused and then i remember they are kin w/ flowey and i SCREAM

going through the basement freezer of your parents house in search of ice cream that you Think might have been left there, while high, is so fucking intense and i feel like all my peers are telling me to give up hope, bc it can't possibly be real; it is merely a legend
i feel like indiana jones but better and not bad

apparently there's a dutch instance? i hope april joins it and makes some cool friends

our parents got their cats a feeder toy and michelle (who is shy, slow-moving, and who rarely engages in play) was batting it around for a while aaaaa

want to keep drawing but im extremely sleepy

https://witches.town/media/WRVMLpuask0tcj1yqFU wip

anyone have experience with going on testosterone while having premenstrual dysphoric disorder?

turns out that considering or attempting suicide pretty reliably before starting your period is... not normal and i may have pmdd? because 90% of my self-destructive behavior happens right before my period
so im thinking more about hrt now,

my father's day wish is that my dad doesn't yell at my mom, lol

i will celebrate fathers day by drawing dad randall content and also seeing if i can maybe have positive interactions with my actual irl dad