kitsch [active at chitter.xyz] @kitsch@witches.town

have you ever just wanted to reach out your tentacles and pull someone into your lair? you know what i mean?

among other things, i dreamed i was taking the SATs, and couldn't process even the first question. though part of the SATs was a precision platforming game and i did pretty good there.

ice physiques

happy not birthday. today isn't my birthday and there's a good chance it's not yours either. happy not birthday

🎵 Celeste chapter 5 remix https://radicaldreamland.bandcamp.com/track/mirror-temple-mirror-magic-mix

-biting the end of a pencil, brow furrowed in concentration- hmmm... according to the data we've collected -taps pencil on clipboard- you are a very good person and a very good thing.

remember to push the kitsch all the way in until she clicks

oh right, anxiety compels me to clarify my weird wording: valentine is my friend's name. i do not have a valentine as in a romantic partner. but i like the friend named valentine who i do have, because they are very good.

here's a lion self and a fox valentine-friend. i got 0kingkitsune0-i-guess-they're-not-exactly-a-mutual-friend-as-of-yet to sketch it a few weeks ago. i think it looks a bit odd to be honest but that's fine.

this sort of thing is on my mind the last couple days. capturing the wished-for feeling of interacting with a friend offline. kind of want to end the night on this note.

[artist https://www.furaffinity.net/user/king-kitsune] https://witches.town/media/zb-1VuGPXL9MbVpFS8Y

's probably a good start (very start) on unclogging this, especially 'cause it's two-ass-in-the-morning-o-clock.

i've noticed that, at least how sleep functions the last couple weeks,
if i spend about 13 hours tossing and turning and partially sleeping in bed, that's usually enough that i feel 'ready' and happy to get up.
(i assume i'm still tired even then, because i think i haven't been not tired for years, but maybe i just don't know how it's supposed to feel or i'm confusing it with other brain crap?)
though i doubt that even that will stay consistent, 'cause my sleeping problems are shifty too.

still in the process of pursuing a sleep test and allergy shots (need money <<), which -might- improve things on that branch.

often the main problem:
"i want to do thing."
"yeah but you should actually be spending time job hunting."
"but what kind of job hunting can i do that doesn't seem futile?"
"i dunno but you still shouldn't do the other thing."
"... ok, so more goddamn streams and videos then?"
"at least you won't have to struggle to try to think."
and then passive consumption becomes my entire day and i never have any kind of transition between or schedule for activities.

and behind that, there's other kinds of indecision that make it even harder.

[insert image of rhea with a headache or something]

i guess i ought to start with this, then.

i guess... i should consider what's stopping me, in general with various life things?

indecision with where to focus first,
feeling like i've already tried the only options and they didn't work,
inconsistent sleep schedule and restedness and attitude,
inconsistent brain fogginess and focus and ability,
general "i can't do it in time, it's pointless" depression stuff,
maybe misc. avoiding problems.

can i do anything about those? :\

there's zero way to reduce stress unless i find a job i can do which will support me by the end of the year.
i've been looking for one but can't find and get one.
that's... kind of the end of that.

i keep wanting to practice drawering but i fell out of the 'force myself to do this' mindset so easily, and like all of life it seems pointless to push myself to plan for and re-engage with it

and unfortunately i know when i'm in other mindsets i won't even want to do that <<

man,.. i need to find a solution to loneliness, like voice chatting or something. it's tiring to be missing whatever exactly it is i'm missing

flatmates fell asleep together on the couch!!!!!

kitsch out with your titsch out

holy /shit/ it's been three years since raocow played SotN? my sense of time is so lopsided

(sarcastic monotone voice) oh no. i have been turned into a girl. however will i live my life like this.