kitsch [active at chitter.xyz] @kitsch@witches.town

have you ever just wanted to reach out your tentacles and pull someone into your lair? you know what i mean?

well hello there

[source sdamned 537] https://witches.town/media/iW0q-fSDPmCbJhupgWA

i have reached the 'i feel chilly/shivery for whatever reason' part of the evening

i have wanting to be company with someone /\

nuance nuance nuance. there's plenty of nuance and clarification that could be used here but i don't want to analyze it all right now

sometimes i'll want to give someone attention or reassurance, but i won't be terribly famliar with them and i'll hesitate to say much or anything.
my summarized rule of thumb is that if noone else seems to be giving them attention, then i should say my thing. sometimes it seems to help ppl.

but it,,, doesn't always turn out well. it's not at all uncommon that it ends up entirely awkward and overall bad. but probably still worth trying in general. learn people as i go.

i might've said this before but
there's a let's player who does mostly puzzle games, and opens each of his videos with "hello! welcome back." and every time i mentally reply "thank you."

the flatmates do not seem social tonight anyway so i guess i can feel better about not bothering to try!

anyway i used to think and am not entirely unconvinced that there's a certain kind of detachment that makes me more confident in how i move or talk, less self-conscious and not trying to take up as little space as possible. it could be a different core cause, idk

it's always the simplest solution to just retreat, huh -_-
i wonder if i can even have a real relationship with someone who has power over me, which i feel the flatmates do.

i kind of want to be social but i am: 1. not present enough, too foggy 2. maybe too aggressively confident? in my movements? 3. can tell there's irritation in here somewhere seeping through 4. the usual lack of things to talk about with offline people

you click the button on your car keys to lock the doors, but the 'chirp chirp' noise comes from kitsch's mouth

common discourtesy

that last smidgen of sleep was what i needed to feel ready to get up >< i wish i understood why

i wish i did though

i really don't have a reason to not stay in bed today

inter resting

the three sneezes... a clear sign

specifically, left presence is unlikely to do anything at all -until- i'm reminded of its existence, at which point it usually makes itself a nuisance (presumably 'dont think of pink elephants').
i'm pushing it away all the time, now.
sometimes a presence feels less like it's... purer & free of all that baggage & has something more to it.
which makes me think that i'm doing something wrong.

this isn't what i used to feel or how i used to treat it. when i thought it was a plural thing that i understood, there were still intrusive presences,
but i recall perceiving other presences as specific pleasant company.
but it was still just as foggy.

wonder if Left Presence is somehow a product of self-consciousness.
if i'm not pushing it myself, it doesn't generally do anything besides act out the movement-feeling on me from impulsive or intrusive thoughts, and that's getting easier to ignore.
i mean i'm sure that at least partially it is because of tulpamancy attempts training brain to feel presence even though there's noone there, i just don't know if that's the whole story or the best reason.
sometimes i feel like there's more than once presence and that they feel different.
but it's impossible to tell anything about it, and if i try it imprints my own intentions onto it