kitsch [active at chitter.xyz] @kitsch@witches.town

moww mow

also there was a different dream where two people got turned into like dragon mermaids and it made their entire lives better by opening up a whole new scaly splashy dimension to life and they lived long and happily and there was an implication they would pass on the knowledge of how to transform onto someone else too

dreamed of a place offering me magic and comfort and adventure and interesting people and the ability to be whatever i wanted, and slowly realizing from the other humans and the rules of power and punishment that the whole place had a subtle evil running through it. tfw.

though i feel like i would still want a wholly original design for use in certain contexts. i guess i could keep using Lion for those even if he's not quite me

i keep thinking i should come up with a fursona, but i have to be honest with myself and admit that nothing is going to feel as fitting as Rhea does.

i love my fox friend

i want pictures of spider, man

anyway good morning

[http://hyenafu.tumblr.com/post/168557118819/rheas-quest-for-warmth-i-just-wanted-to-make] https://witches.town/media/31XvUkiBI-Jp5q-lzHk

the cat is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE! (dramatic music)

i have successfully babbled until it became light outside, so now i feel justfied in doing morning activities

also brain is going on a tangent of like. how there's a big disconnect between the specific expectation to fill "how are you," and the way that life is actually experienced and thought about, which is why it's impossible to answer without effort and discomfort. <<

in theory i could ask flatmates to not demand-ask "how are you" of me, but i think i tried that and they don't remember or don't get it. they are generally cooperative and respectful though.

and i have been wishy washy about it myself. i have a conflict between needing to isolate myself but keeping social opportunities open.

maybe it's that i need to communicate on my own terms.
like i do online: sort of talk about it when i want to, not when other people give me an expectation to fill. ..?

i assumed that's not an option, and that i have to do it in the framework or timing of "normal/neurotypical" interactions.

"So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered."

apparently a quote from someone named John Green.

this feels important to me.



there's a second part, though i personally don't get much out of it:

"I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad."

Kitsch (Part 1 of 1)

i wonder if there's any chance of finding a list of all the games that were featured on RealArcade when it was still running

kitsch has a squishy nostalgia spot for a certain kind of early 2000's pc games and demos

remember that game AirXonix and how the little helicopter pod you controlled had a alien-sounding voice and also screamed when it died

slurp, but i mean, also crunch

so, ok. stepping back a little.

apparently i consider almost everthing to be either an impulsive thought or temporary or a mundane quirk or some combination.
i hadn't had any luck actively reaching inward or trying to lay out pathways outward.

SO! i expect something 'real' to feel different and to somehow circumvent all that.
which is not... a good expectation to have, i suspect. it's strict and passive.

i'm not sure what my alternatives are. i need some kind of filter, but a less heavy one...?
and i accept/assume that physical health issues and stress make it unfeasible to try reaching inward again. hmm.