there's a feeling i get when i think i'm pushing my expectations or feelings or fantasies or wandering attention or intrusive thoughts
onto what i imagine to be presences or soulbonds or whatever.
and trying to stop myself makes it worse because it adds a sort of panicked resistence to everything.
i don't think i can trust feelings or images, unless this feeling is absent. i think i can kind of recognize it now, but it's there the majority of the time.
...what am i supposed to do about it?

i probably wouldn't be talking so much about this except i'm stuck here again with nothing to do for seven hours, like i am every sunday