@Raspberryfloof this sounds like a familiar pain </3 it's a bad place to be in.

is it possible to take some comfort in knowing that people (such as KS i assume!) enjoy your presence or are happy to see you, regardless of what you're doing or not doing?
i know it won't fix what's wrong with making things or belonging, and doesn't help the feeling that you're inadequate or replacable (if i've understood you correctly), but it might be something to hold onto in the meantime.