also when thinking certain thoughts, i basically internally say "nooooo" and try to like, mentally convulse them away.
it's a really bad habit. i think it was formed in response to intrusive/impusive thoughts. but it extends to many thoughts involving characters/soulbonds/potential-systemmates/something like that.
i'm not describing it very well.
maybe it's basically any thought that would supposedly 'decide' part of their personality or opinions?
which would leave little room for anything genuine.
and feeds the cycle of intrusive/impulsive thoughts and brain clenching and uggh. hopefully i can unlearn this bit?