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tulpamancy attempts didn't do anything besides train my brain to produce vague symptoms of plurality.
lion does exist, in some form. he may be a presence too, he may be involved with internal dialogue, but there's no way to know.
dissociation/detachment generally isn't an indicator of anything going on behind the scenes.
if i want to believe i'm experiencing something alterhuman-related, i will end up tricking myself while nothing is really there.

probably!

@kitsch what's the effective difference between causing yourself to believe in your own alterhumanity and actually being alterhuman? it's good to think about this stuff but i'd say be wary of gatekeeping yourself

@typhlosion i'm definitely aware of that consideration ^^ and i used to apply it to myself, but it's done me no good as a guideline.

@typhlosion i phrased that weird, but i mean to say that i do definitely think about it.

this might all sound negative, like i'm flipping the table out of frustration again, and frustration is likely part of it.
but it feels like a good thing, because i can focus on the stuff that has meaning and how to interact with it, and not worry about the stuff that doesn't matter.

related: i think i have some guilt about abandoning westernized tulpamancy attempts. saying "it never happened. nothing came of it" isn't a good solution for that, even if it seems like part of the answer.
again, i have a tendency to try to leave my problems behind.
but in my current state there's nothing i can do in the area of plurality, regardless of whatever it is i _should_ do or what the reality is or was. i mean, i couldn't do anything back then either.

re: archetypes, character connections, thought-tones and attitudes,

what i said about it being escapism etc. is part of it, but i forgot to focus on the mirroring itself.

i seem prone to fictionflickers and picking up energy from characters or archetypes.
polymorphs have similar traits.

but i know of other possible explanations: i'm impressionable. i've done a lot of identity work. bpd causes wonky identity. it's not unusual for _anyone_ to mirror characters they like.

hm.