Kara Dreamer (obsolete) ⚧ @kara_dreamer@witches.town

today has...not been good. at least it's an "upstairs night", meaning the Daria cuddles me and not my metamour. (our polycule policy is strict alternation, barring special circumstances.)

it's plain to me that my current #plurality just ain't cutting it. but no clear new order has emerged from the decaying state of my current trinity.

*sighs wearily* I'm really not cut out to be the front-woman. I didn't name myself after one of the most antisocial characters in fiction out of whim. I'm really no fucking good at getting along with people, and I hate myself.

(can't find attribution for the pic) https://witches.town/media/kiuydJp5TgRdc8RgJhg

I'd feel more optimistic about the chances of emerging from the wreckage of the current United States without violence if I saw much hope of pushback against the nearly unlimited authority of the police. And I don't mean quarter-measures like more body cameras and "oversight".

and now I'm hiding in the supply closet, crying

29. I've given the idea of going fully vegetarian some serious thought. Daria and I have come close, at times, but then after some time of cooking only vegetarian meals one of us invariably caves and wants (say) a burger.

(https://twitter.com/unluckyxse7en/status/800588323974627329 for that last)

I'm terrified of bad moods at work. I'm alone there, stripped of all devices that protect me at home from the worst. There's no place to lie down in privacy. I can't play whatever music or video I like. I can't curl up with a stuffed animal. What few people I can safely turn to for emotional support are far away. The comforts of social media are, at best, double-edged.

"You can do it," my GF tells me. Well maybe I can't do it. https://witches.town/media/fwucI0PGTSKSDwoiY-o

mood's in real danger of crashing at work. I especially hate days when the factory isn't running normally and everything is waiting on repairs or whatnot. intermittent work tends to put me in a bad mode. the adrenaline or whatever that sustains me when it's busy is nowhere to be found, and I start to look for ways to avoid getting assigned busywork.

also still feeling insecure from last night, wondering what people *really* think of me

Bleh.

28. My longest relationship so far is ongoing and has been going since 2005