Kara Dreamer (obsolete) ⚧ @kara_dreamer@witches.town

So if you set aside the idea that deities have some sort of independent existence (and even at my most mystical I'd be reluctant indeed to claim there's a "real" Manon or Mettaton existing on some other metaphysical plane), the strength of a deity to effect change in oneself through ritual is going to come from two places: one's own belief, and from communion with other, like-minded believers. With strictly personal, pop-culture entities, that community is never going to be very strong.

A deity that I construct from a popular entertainment is going to have only two sources of meaning: that which I construct myself, and that which I can glean from the fandom for that entertainment. The first source of strength is only as strong as my mind and determination can make it, and neither instrument has been very reliable. The second source of strength is only going to weaken with time. Of course there's probably always going to be _some_ sort of "Undertale" fandom but interest fades, people move on to newer entertainments, decay sets in...so far as I know I'm the only weirdo who's trying to work "Undertale" into an actual _religion_ of sorts.

Needless to say I don't expect anyone else to invest "Undertale" and its characters with _this_ much spiritual meaning; this is strictly personal mythology. Silly as it sounds, I have without a doubt gotten more sustained and reliable of a spiritual boost from returning to the "Undertale" wellspring than from anything else I've yet tried.

But should I really be making a game the centerpiece of my magickal practice? is that really a good idea in the long run? It's hard not to have doubts.

It's scarcely any secret that the most important entities in my personal pantheon come from "Undertale", which I credit with awakening my dormant spirituality and a lot of other things (I've written at some length about this, if you're curious: http://prettyshiny.org/~chelydros/undertale.html and http://prettyshiny.org/~chelydros/undertale2.html) I've communed with (personal versions of) Mettaton and Undyne and even Alphys during sessions of meditation / inner exploration, as well as with a being whom I have nicknamed "Manon" and who I regard as a sort of _genius loci_ ("spirit of a place") who inhabits the main "Undertale" theme.

snek actually got her food in one strike this week, woo

I'd like to address something that's been on my mind a bit as I build (in my sluggish, haphazard, halting fashion) a magickal practice for myself from the disparate elements that have meaning for me, and that's the struggle to balance focus between deities or entities. I've had a bit of conversation in the past with my friend @KaylinEvergreen about this; she's opined that it's perhaps a mistake to focus too much on strictly personal deities, like the ones that I've more or less constructed from popular media (e.g. regarding Mettaton as a deity) when it may be more fruitful to build relationships with traditional deities with more mythological weight to them.

#plurality

I might be retiring @mona and possibly @alyx as personalities. They've faded very much into the background lately and Mona, in particular, embodies a set of traits that seem less and less useful to me.

hm, I was playing "Home" off "Undertale" softly and Daria told me it sounded like a track from "Chrono Cross". And, listening to that track, I have to admit there's a similarity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0YZj50MqGc

morning

"Half-Life"

OK, that LSD (or more properly N-propionyl-LSD) was stronger stuff than I anticipated, though I felt like I had to work harder for a breakthrough than happens with psilocin, which gives me really vibrant, visual, fluid experiences.

A voice in my head I haven't spoken to in a while was an important part of this experience, an entity I dubbed "The Engineer" back when I first encountered him (pretty definitely a "him" in my head) some time last year. (Here's an old account of that meeting, and how it came about: https://monophylos.livejournal.com/4523.html) The 9th Symphony seemed to elicit him.

I was cured all right

the great tragedy of the 1st movement of Beethoven's 9th is that it comes to an end

gonna listen to Otto Klemperer conduct the 9th, maybe that'll jostle something loose

yeah, I think the second is the direction this is going...the visual richness just isn't there, and I'm feeling the general superficiality I've tended to get from LSD. maybe I just need to use more; I suspect I have a more than usually efficient liver, or whatever. but I've never been fortunate enough to have enough on hand for a truly heroic dose.