jobs in the past have confused me and left me feeling like there wasn't any way they could be possibly done, jobs have frustrated and baffled me, but never for real reasons. always I could say, "it's an artifact of the system, it's ok not to understand it and do the job half-assed, it's not like there's any reason for what you're doing other than "someone told you to do this"

not the case here. if this job baffles and confuses me, it's my fault. I'm face to face with the hard reality of what a messy, complicated, ever-changing process is required to try to turn horrible black goo into something you can burn in your spiffy German diesel sedan