It was a subtle thing at first. Up until pretty recently I was "happy" being cismale--that is to say, it was a role that seemed to fit me best, and I'd gotten moderately comfortable with it. No other role seemed imaginable, anyway. There were hints of discomfort...I felt like both my major sexual partners (Daria and the long-lost K., although shi might deny it now) were urging me to be dominant and "toppy" in a way that I never felt quite right with. I attributed this to bad upbringing and lack of practice, at the time. And it came out in feeling like I was being expected to "perform" in a certain way.