@ikea_femme Oof, this sounds a lot like my first relationship (when I was still "male" and looking for guys). I ended up in a relationship with a guy who seemed to kinda hate sex but stuck with him a few years because it was better than being lonely and I'd grown up kinda ashamed of having sexual urges anyway, and towards the end we weren't even sleeping in the same bed >_< I've had more experience then but chiefly with partners who want me to top...I'm wanting more of the opposite, so I'm less inclined to need a cock that gets hard (though I still like to play with it.)