Marie 🔮💖 @jamuraa@witches.town

Fertility is so fucking everywhere and it's not so much annoying as depressing because I both feel like I am really depressed because of my own infertility and also like I shouldn't be because I need to be accepting and grateful that I can even get as far as I can and live in a society where my gender is at least accepted if not assumed.

I'm unpacking a lot of this stuff now but there is a lot that's bouncing around in my head about the expectation of fertility and how the times when I feel most horrible are when I think about how I'm never made to live to that expectation.

It feels like it's a big signal for me, and a really large part of something that feels missing for me. I get really upset when hearing about other trans women being mistaken for cis via "when's your period" or "are you *sure* you're not pregnant?" type of questions.

Didn't get as much done on Sunday as Saturday but hung out a bit with a girlfriend and prepped for the coming busy week. #ootd #nomakeup
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWXmHLcFVcA https://witches.town/media/wBXB8GtQed1sJx3OkQU

Not exactly club wear but I wanted to wear this new dress I got on vacation. #ootd Went a little ✨✨ with makeup. Had a great time.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWVZQX8lG00 https://witches.town/media/SvyRLN6GUnH1RfXYB_0

Travel day back home yesterday, so I was back in a comfortable dress. #ootd Makeup held up for both flights.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWRMaQ7FBIQ https://witches.town/media/x58quZRAXQ0ITTynv6g

Guess which day of the month it is? 27 months between these pics. #hrt #transgender #transwoman #transitoning #girlslikeus #hrtismagic #face Normal caveats: different camera, different lighting, different room.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWQQ8hDlsFy https://witches.town/media/vTQVGoIKhBvrtVX_w2M

I really don't like the lighting in the facial comparison shots. I think I look much better in soft light, like this second pic. https://witches.town/media/cgJ-IHrh0WX1WmU34zc

Last full day in #amsterdam and it was weird museum day. #ootd Tassenmuseum and the Electric Lady fluorescent museum. Tons of fun.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWMn09yF8SR https://witches.town/media/AN2BMNMxWDFzKHVG6-o

More museums and meeting with a friend in the evening. #ootd I found the quietest place in Amsterdam.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWKgPo5FS2s
https://witches.town/media/GCLnd0oxp_8AgF73G5I

After an afternoon start, spent most of the day in this maxi skirt with Theo. #ootd Changed skirts and added hose for an evening exploring the red light district. Lips are more #colourpop in Crack Me Up.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWHxIVKFdQu https://witches.town/media/jjDX9WmTvVDqRGb0-HI

Second day in #amsterdam. Canal tours, shopping, park walks and some bitterballen. #ootd
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWCNvnhlx7c https://witches.town/media/LM5chtI7L9waURse7t4

I'm having possibly the worst dysphoria day of the last few months and this has to happen in the middle of vacation?

I feel like I look like a freak and people will treat me as some type of freak if I leave the hotel room today.

I'm nervous and socially anxious as fuck and being in a foreign country is just fucking with all my perceptions enough.

The "everyone is just putting up with me because that's the social acceptable thing to do" is strong with me today.

If someone told me that this country is actually super mean and unaccepting to trans people right now that would make my day because they've been mostly neutral and not super weird.

It feels like I have a middle point of every day where I'm feeling like shit about my appearance. Then some point happens and I start not caring or something and can just be happy about what beauty I have.

Third day in #amsterdam. #ootd Saw the Van Gogh museum and went to another park, then a movie.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWFHqfsF61O/ https://witches.town/media/0REUX5BMYE2RLy5FJn8

First full day in #amsterdam: Museums, naps (overcoming jet lag) and some Dutch food for dinner. #ootd Lips are Nixed by #colourpop
https://www.instagram.com/p/BV_9--0lvYh/ https://witches.town/media/94d882khsk7jxFHOS0g

A day and a half of air travel means an #ootd for comfort. Got through two instances of security and customs and now, vacation!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BV9PD36lfKv/ https://witches.town/media/UGdA-zor8R_-BiwxMSc

The final card is our page of cups reversed - Ruby, in this case. Normally when upright this ruby signifies taking risks with love or being open to new relationships, which matches with Ruby pretty perfectly given her show role. Reversed, that power is a little more reserved, missing the mark for a full open-ness in some way. It's something interesting to think about..

Query: Will I be able to meet anyone?

The first card is the Ten of Wands, with Amethyst laying with her whip in the sludge. This is a strong sense of being responsible or encumbered, that you need to put together some stuff to get your goal. Much like the episode with the smoke monster where she needs to get her gusto and persevere.

The current card is the Ten of Cups, feeling at home, being optimistic, or a calm after a storm. The combination of Garnet and Stevonnie here is perfect. There's a great amount of feeling like you are whole and complete along with this.

Today's #tarot reading.