Marie 🔮💖 @jamuraa@witches.town

Sometimes I get a song aesthetic into my head. Pearl Jam time. #nowplaying #justtosleep https://play.google.com/music/m/Tdhrjouku32htj3qccjqw5sdkzm?t=Better_Man_Remastered_-_Pearl_Jam

This was a bizarre trans-feels song for me, I wanted so much to be that girl who could be looked over. Talk about feelings I didn't understand at all. #extended

A drive through a rainy northern California and a day of unwinding. #ootd #nomakeup An important day to rest before an anticipated very busy week.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BS_Q5znF20v/ https://witches.town/media/Z7MxFWqvjui9-vH0ygo

@Josephine I've had the webpage break once in a while, a reload fixes it.

@Josephine @alyx See, I have a 36DD, which is by most standards pretty great, and they look pretty great too. I also might just have a frame that's slightly larger than average - I'm a little worried that once I get near my goal weight I'll start to see my ribs.

The feels I have are almost all around having to live with them (and be ashamed of them, thanks cissexism) for 20 years before I transitioned and didn't get to enjoy growing them from scratch.

@alyx I appreciate the attempts to help, but I'm mostly venting out about the feels that come up pretty much any time another girl is like "omg boobs".

Like I said, by most external measures and feedback I'm getting, I'm doing good in that department and honestly should probably work on the jealousy issues more than try to grow more.

(Also I already have some strategies in my pocket to try if I need to, like maybe starting progesterone)

@alyx I've been on injections from day 1 of HRT (got an interesting lucky doctor that way). A strong dose too that I've cut in half now.

Mostly I also feel like I'm not likely to get a lot more (two years is starting to get diminishing returns) and it will just make it harder to buy bras and stuff.

So I'm jealous of girls that got to grow their boobs from scratch while they already knew they were a girl, because I never got that and harbor a bunch of BS stuff about them kinda like you can see the "boy" in the mirror it's hard for me to get past my "manboobs" sometimes.

I also rarely get growing pains either that I can notice so they just kind of slowly balloon up and I have to work to notice.

Also going from a big B to a DD doesn't seem like that much, like I can still fit in my first bras and never went to a store abd was surprised to find I grew a cup size.

I'm right now thinking of adding hormones to see if they'll grow more.

I might have some jealousy thoughts about this too.

When I went through first puberty I grew my boobs for the first time and then it was kind of bullshit to be in the boys locker room, growing boobs and wishing I could wear bras and dealing with all that bullshit and not even knowing what to do. But it happened and I started HRT with like a decent size B cup from those and being fat earlier in my life.

I know they grew because well now I'm wearing DD bras and not falling out of them but I didn't get the "omg omg I have boobs now!" feelings and I feel kinda like I missed out on a trans girl rite of passage or something.

So this particular mindworm started when someone started talking about their boobs growing more and more, and it brought up all of my feelings about that again.

According to external validation I have some pretty great boobs, but I have the weird trans thing on me where I think they're just inadequate and look weird a lot of the time. I also inexplicably want them to be larger even though they're like at the thin end of the "able to buy from any random store" size now.

I want them to be formidably undeniably great and kind of in everyone's face because I have this thought that having undeniable boobs force people to acknowledge womanhood.

I painted my nails yesterday but I both didn't do two coats and it's already chipping so I might redo them tomorrow or Tuesday.

@sophia once I figure it out I'll let you know.

@Dragonfly I have a medium blog but it's focused on a topic and this is a bit outside that topic (although still trans-related)

It's probably something I could put there though, except it gains a lot from pictures, and I am keeping that blog picture-free for pseudonymity.

Alternately I could feels-dump onto tumblr but I also know that I don't really like a lot of the people who are following me on there, because I haven't been that stringent with the people that I let follow me I'm sure there are chasers and porn blogs on there.

I need a place to spew some feels and usually I write some essays for that stuff but I have unfinished essays and starting more of them feels wrong at this point, so I guess I might feels-dump on here.

But I actually think I should make some progress on those things because they might help. I'm looking for some support or just somewhere to put some of this stuff.

Got some leggings that I ordered just on time to be casual for Saturday. #ootd #nomakeup Went on a mini-roadtrip. Saw a Frank Lloyd Wright designed building serendipitously and had a great time.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BS9fAE-Fr3B/ https://witches.town/media/4DWZOUU4wnryARaLLv0

I'm kind of pretty thrilled about how I can go super casual and not hate myself now. #selfie https://witches.town/media/myBdS1CI4kfxl039nFE

ast day of tights week. It's cherry blossom season and I love this skirt! #ootd I had a date so I put on makeup on the bus home. Saw Your Name with a cutie and it was so good!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BS6SrvNFyim/ https://witches.town/media/INWIxAGcbEIntxMT__4

(missed posting day 4 so here it is) For day 4 of tights week, pink with this new top I forgot I had recently found. #ootd #nomakeup It's been a while since I wore heels all day long - 9am to 9pm and I had a lot of running around to do too! This is how I look most Thursdays, headphones to focus on working.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BS3i420FVeN/ https://witches.town/media/uCO0WfncBcCalpC7k6Y

Just saw #yourname last night and that movie brings enough feels to the classroom to share with everyone. I might want to see it again.

There are themes throughout that I think would be good to notice on a second viewing. Also it's one of those where you can revel in the foreshadowing and themes of the whole thing when you watch it a second time.

2017 is looking up: New MST3K and a new Star Wars The Last Jedi Trailer on the same day.