So this particular mindworm started when someone started talking about their boobs growing more and more, and it brought up all of my feelings about that again.

According to external validation I have some pretty great boobs, but I have the weird trans thing on me where I think they're just inadequate and look weird a lot of the time. I also inexplicably want them to be larger even though they're like at the thin end of the "able to buy from any random store" size now.

I want them to be formidably undeniably great and kind of in everyone's face because I have this thought that having undeniable boobs force people to acknowledge womanhood.

I might have some jealousy thoughts about this too.

When I went through first puberty I grew my boobs for the first time and then it was kind of bullshit to be in the boys locker room, growing boobs and wishing I could wear bras and dealing with all that bullshit and not even knowing what to do. But it happened and I started HRT with like a decent size B cup from those and being fat earlier in my life.

I know they grew because well now I'm wearing DD bras and not falling out of them but I didn't get the "omg omg I have boobs now!" feelings and I feel kinda like I missed out on a trans girl rite of passage or something.

So I'm jealous of girls that got to grow their boobs from scratch while they already knew they were a girl, because I never got that and harbor a bunch of BS stuff about them kinda like you can see the "boy" in the mirror it's hard for me to get past my "manboobs" sometimes.

I also rarely get growing pains either that I can notice so they just kind of slowly balloon up and I have to work to notice.

Also going from a big B to a DD doesn't seem like that much, like I can still fit in my first bras and never went to a store abd was surprised to find I grew a cup size.

I'm right now thinking of adding hormones to see if they'll grow more.