@ikea_femme I've in some ways always wanted a vagina, and just never thought it was possible. I theoretically knew surgery was possible (but I thought it was actually fake) after *that* south park episode. Once I learned more about it, and I accepted that it was the best I was going to get in my lifetime, there were only a few blockers: How to pay for it, whether I could stand the recovery, and if I would be happy with the results. Those went away by looking at post-op neovaginas and talking to friends. (paying for it by insurance).

At ~1 year postop it's alien to me that I ever had a penis. My vagina is good, the best I can hope for.

@ikea_femme I have more to say but I'll wait for the article for it.

@jamuraa plus, I feel like every other trans woman has big feelings, and I'm just trying to find what will alleviate the dissociation and fog. I don't cry when I feel dysphoric, or have a bad day, or even if someone I love dies. I hate it, and transition is the only thing that's chipped at that numbness.

@ikea_femme @jamuraa holy shit uwu

this resonates with me something fierce

@rey @jamuraa yeah, reading that depersonalization is smaller in trans women who have vaginoplasty really gets me curious about it.

@ikea_femme @rey a huge amount of my depersonalization and fog went away after HRT, and another big chunk after the penis was gone. I didn't even realize it was happening before HRT.

@rey @jamuraa but yeah, my limbic system is a terrible communicator. It's the equivalent of that person who says "food" when you ask where to eat. So it took me forever to figure out my brain was into transitioning.