@jamuraa Best of luck. Somebody on a trans form said their surgeon said 90% of people who want FFS don't really need it. I still can't tell if I'm comfortable with my face, even if I look cute in some photos with the right hair and glasses and smile. Just knowing I'm hiding stuff and seeing it in the mirror when I wake up bothers me sometimes. And I have no idea if I could endure the recovery period. And at the core of it, I feel I can't trust anyone or myself on this, as I fixate and other people change their answers for my feelings. If they want to hurt me, I'm manly, if they want me to be happy, they say I'm feminine. ugh.

@jamuraa Like, I've had more angst over this than GRS. Which is funny since castration thoughts were my first inkling something was up genderwise. With bottom surgery, I'm more practical in terms of "could I learn to enjoy sex with another organ?" or "do I really hate tucking that much?"

Sorry for the word vomit. I have so much shit on my mind with finals.

@ikea_femme I'm one of the lucky few - I don't believe I will have a problem getting FFS if I really believe that I need it.

I do think I look cute and feminine most of the time - it's about a flip of the coin whether I'll hate my face on a particular day. As for recovery - yea, that's one I'm worried about because I hear that it could be more tricky than bottom surgery even. I recovered quick from that.

Partially I have intense distrust of people who have reason to not hurt me. I'm lucky enough that I don't get a lot of hate, and don't need it socially sometimes, but I have that bug "what if" in my head now.

@ikea_femme I'd probably pay a surgeon a decent chunk of money for an honest opinion that I didn't really need FFS.

Alternately I can just force myself to wait until I'm 5 years HRT and I have a bit more adjustment to the anchoring in.

@jamuraa Honestly, I think I'd be best off with the Philip K. Dick route of hiring a hypnotist to convince me I had FFS and loved the results in the past.

@jamuraa Nobody has been transphobic to me. There's been maybe three cases, but one was clearly because of my voice (a kid tried to pull a prank on another kid, startled me, and I screamed in a deep voice. So he called me the f-slur), and the other two were before I had breasts and looked really nervous. So... I know I don't need FFS for the cis gaze.